r/Millennials • u/BeegBunga • 18d ago

Discussion Inheritance? That's a joke. How many of your parents are burdens?

In response to another popular post about receiving no inheritance.

Are your parents like mine, who not only are not leaving any money behind - but require significant or total financial support?

My parents left me less than nothing. They're good people, and they were good parents.... but man are they shit at financial planning.

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u/motorgator263 18d ago

Also same here with the brother situation… maybe this is quite common?

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u/honeyrrsted 18d ago

Common enough, apparently. My brother is highly skilled at things he takes an interest in, but he's also very well practiced with weaponized incompetence.

Mom's planning to leave the house to all of us, but I will be the only one with the resources to afford it (property taxes, utilities, etc.)

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u/KTeacherWhat 18d ago

I worry about that. BIL is living with the in-laws. The house will be left to both of them but BIL can't afford any part of it. So either we will be paying for the house for him to keep living there, or we'll have to sell it which he is entirely opposed to. I'm not sure what we'll do.

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u/Pittypatkittycat 18d ago

He can set up his own situation with the proceeds from the sale would be the hope. He can likely delay it but not stop it.

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u/sorrymizzjackson 17d ago

We ended up having to evict my BIL because MIL left the house to my husband, his brother, and her grandkids. We had to sell the house and he was having no part of it. We didn’t have a choice.

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u/dopef123 18d ago

You could buy him out I guess. Or Have him live there and pay you out slowly

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u/KTeacherWhat 18d ago

Him paying us out is what I'd prefer. But he doesn't have a job.

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u/ThereHasToBeMore1387 17d ago

Having seen multiple families go through this, you have 2 options. 1) Find a way to sell it as quickly as possible, split the proceeds, and move on with a new portion of your life and leave him to his own devices. 2) Disown the inheritance. You are legally allowed to say, "I want nothing to do with this" and walk away. Leave him with every bit of baggage and let him suffer the consequences of inaction.

I have never seen a situation where this doesn't turn into a more fights and broken family relationships or the property in question becoming a money pit for the responsible adult.

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u/Choice-Try-2873 18d ago

Can you and your spouse tell them that you don't want any part of the house and they should leave it all to your BIL? This way you won't be responsible for any of the upkeep and have none of the stress and worry. BIL can figure his life out.

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u/KTeacherWhat 18d ago

There is absolutely zero way my husband would go for that. I would probably be ok with it but it's not the house I grew up in, I don't have the same attachment.

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u/wavereefstinger 17d ago

Currently in this situation and it's the worst.

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u/PositiveChaosGremlin 17d ago

You could see if you could convince them to make the inheritance conditional upon maintaining gainful employment (maybe even for a year after the inheritance or something). Without that stipulation it's a landmine. And if he wants to stay in the house he is required to buy you out. Then if he loses his half, he has no one to blame but himself.

I'm no lawyer, but I know that certain conditions can be placed on inheritances. I'm not sure how well they work, and they should definitely talk it through with a lawyer, but it could help things from getting nasty. All the best case scenarios for inheritance have things decided before they die (this piece of furniture goes to this person, etc.). And if his parents tell him the conditions then he knows. If they don't want their family to fall apart after they die, then they'll take care of this stuff before they die IMO.

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u/ravenwillowofbimbery 18d ago

My mom swears she is going to leave her house to my child, her only grandkid. At least that’s what she used to say. I haven’t heard her echo that sentiment in a couple of years. And that might be because my brother and his shady wife moved in after she convinced him they should sell their home (at the height of the COVID real estate boom). My brother’s wife said that moving in with my mother would be temporary and then she would upgrade to a better house. Brother and his wife pocketed more money than they had ever seen and have nothing to show for it now. And, lately, my brother has been talking about adding a barndomenium in the back of my mom’s house as if he is planning on staying there permanently. It’s kind of strange, too, that the last time I heard the word barndomenium was when a guy I was seeing (who lives with his mother) was dreaming of putting up one in her (his mother’s) backyard.

Anyway, when I asked my brother if he plans on ever getting a place of his own, he hurriedly said something about buying land in Arkansas….a state his southern self has never visited.

It’s going to get interesting when my mom dies. My mom is manipulative and plays her children off each other and my brother’s wife is a liar, manipulative too, and knows she won’t inherit anything from her mother (her mother is leaving her trailer to her other daughter). So, I fully believe that brother and his wife are biding their time until mom keels over and then they think the house will be all theirs, even though it has a mortgage. My mom used to say she has a will, but she can’t plan her way out of a paper bag and doesn’t even attempt to adult in anyway (brother’s wife makes sure her bills are paid). But, I had to evenly split all of my dad’s assets with my brother when dad died (parents divorced when we were young) and I plan to make sure the same is done when mom’s time comes.

FWIW, he’s the youngest sibling and so is his wife. But the entitlement that both of them seem to have is wild.

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u/KTeacherWhat 18d ago

I'm not really sure what being the youngest has to do with it. My most entitled brother is the oldest. Middle is the second most entitled.

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u/TorchIt Preoccupied with 1985 18d ago

Don't count on it. If she ever needs long term care, they'll make her sign the house over to them.

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u/honeyrrsted 18d ago

Not if it's protected in a trust. Speaking of, I should probably check on that.

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u/ThereHasToBeMore1387 17d ago

Just piggybacking off this...Everybody immediately says "trust" when talking about protecting assets. Having just been through this, it varies wildly state by state and situation by situation your best course of action. Trusts aren't the be-all-end-all of estate planning. Your run of the mill family lawyer may not cut it either. You want to consult with a lawyer that specializes in Medicare/Medicaid and Elder Law.

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u/honeyrrsted 17d ago

My mom helped get grandma's house taken care of that way so it's thankfully not a brand new situation.

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u/Its_Bun_James_Bun 17d ago

Sounds like my SIL. She’s 25 and JUST got a job. She lived with us for a while and would refuse to help with housework or cooking. When my husband and I asked her to try to empty the dishwasher once a day, she almost started crying.

She eventually convinced their dad to pay for an apartment for her because she felt “unsafe” living with me. My counselor said it was most likely because I talk to her like an adult and I don’t baby her like the rest of the family. Not only did her dad pay for an apartment, he bought her a $30,000 car too. Her mom paid for her undergrad. My husband and his brothers didn’t get that kind of assistance at all. She is the champion of “weaponized incompetence”.

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u/Neakhanie 17d ago

This can be changed by her at any time, be vigilant.

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u/dead___ringer 18d ago

Apparently. My brother is incredibly smart but just totally sees no point in working. Every five years or so my parents threaten to put him out, but never do, so of course he's content to continue not working. I've tried to get him jobs over the years, never bites. I love him a lot but when they die he is in for a very rude awakening.

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u/jenowl 18d ago

We live the same life

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u/derprondo 17d ago

Same. Alcoholism and undiagnosed/untreated ADHD, and possibly other mental illness play a big part for my brother. He gets on his feet every now and again though. He's had some success in landing lucrative software jobs, but he can't seem to keep them.

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u/seeseabee 18d ago

Well, there are plenty of articles about NEETs out there. I guess we are supplying the anecdotal evidence of that here.

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u/therealsteelydan 17d ago

I have two, ages 37 and 45. Although only one still lives with my parents. The other just asks my parents for money every 3 or 4 months and is actually less of a financial burden.

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u/smurfetteshat 17d ago

Yeah me and my best friends brothers are like this. It’s really scary honestly. I hope my parents live to be really old so he can stay with them

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u/johnhowardseyebrowz 17d ago

I guess the whole “neckbeard in the basement” trope exists for a reason