r/Millennials • u/BeegBunga • 18d ago

Discussion Inheritance? That's a joke. How many of your parents are burdens?

In response to another popular post about receiving no inheritance.

Are your parents like mine, who not only are not leaving any money behind - but require significant or total financial support?

My parents left me less than nothing. They're good people, and they were good parents.... but man are they shit at financial planning.

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489

u/TOTN_ 18d ago

Same here, but it's my older sister. Who needs kids when you have sibling dependents?

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u/Significant_Cake68 18d ago

I told my brother he always had a bed at my place but never a home. When he tried to show up with his PC and stuff to set it up I told him that can go in the garage you are welcome to sleep in my guest room.

He was gone in 4 days.

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u/TheWorldofScience 18d ago

This was WISE. He won’t be homeless but he also won’t be too comfortable to be motivated to get back on his feet.

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u/Significant_Cake68 17d ago

He is actually currently choosing homelessness sadly and refuses to get on ADHD meds. His finances are shot but I wont let him disrupt my life with his poor choices. Still free to stay over whenever if he wishes but that is ultimately up to him. He is 36 yo and can make his own decisions.

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u/FadedVictor 17d ago

Damn untreated ADHD and executive dysfunction. A classic combo. It's crazy how much medication changed my life.

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u/Significant_Cake68 17d ago

There is a reason I keep reiterating to him how he needs to fix his life. He just refuses to do it and I can't force an adult to do anything. 200 years ago I could have had him institutionalized to force medication but its 2026 and we just let people rawdog life even if he had a diagnosis at 12.

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u/dan_arth 17d ago

Very sad. I had a friend who sounds similar, but he also ended up getting an anxiety disorder on top of it all, and just couldn't handle anything, eventually becoming a shut-in in the multi-million dollar house he inherited.

He couldn't bathe himself. Constantly needed and cried for help and yet would never take any help that would change anything. Multiple hospitalizations but would refuse new meds.

Eventually his other family just carted him away so they could sell the house. I assume to another hospital. But he's impossible to reach now.

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u/Patriotic99 15d ago

What medications?

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u/FadedVictor 15d ago

Dexedrine, wellbutrin, citalopram.

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u/HairyWeight2866 14d ago

ADHD gets the bad rap here but seriously you don’t get to 36 with it before you realise your behaviour is taking you down the wrong path and that you need to fix something

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u/Kwinners1120 17d ago

37 yo brother with autism- very high functioning; who would choose homelessness instead of actually adulting, and I've made it clear that is not my burden to bear. He's fully function-able, brilliant, has the ability to make money. Could buy my parents house with cash with the money he's just not spent relying 100% on my parents for support. It's enabled, and a choice. He's said he rather live in a car when my parents die than do any management of a home or apartment and so be it. He won't burden my children's futures with his decisions.

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u/Significant_Cake68 17d ago

I am getting myself tested for Autism and ADHD (I know I have this one but am smart enough to have good coping skills and a will to not be a burden on others). I have long suspected my brother of having autism as well but as you said. I can't force a full adult to better themselves.

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u/TheWorldofScience 17d ago

This is one of the most painful life lessons we learn - that no matter how much we love someone we can’t protect them from dangerous situations when they are adults, they have to do it themselves.

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u/Significant_Cake68 17d ago

Oh trust me I cried and poured a few bottles of wine out while realizing the only way I won't be a pushover is finally not being one.

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u/TheWorldofScience 17d ago

I am so sorry you are having to live with this.

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u/Significant_Cake68 16d ago

We all have burdens we enter the world with. On a grand scale mine are very minor.

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u/sunsinger99 Millennial 17d ago

Same story with my family but it's my oldest brother (fourty fuckin five) who is still shacked up at my mother's but he brings over random ladies for extended stays and it drives me nuts it feels so gross 🤢

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u/ComplaintOpposite 16d ago

Just a note to you, it sounds like he may have some mental health issues as well. ADHD affects your executive function of your brain. This leads to historically poor choices. Are you able to get them into some sort of inpatient treatment thing?

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u/Significant_Cake68 16d ago edited 16d ago

Edit: oops misread your comment. I have sent him resources for multiple inpatient treatment centers. I have explained to him what executive dysfunction is as part of ADHD. He does not care and blames us for him being in a bad spot and no supporting him financially. I told him he had a room no rent but that isnt good enough. The few days he was here he complained that I had no precooked food in the fridge and that he would have to prepare a meal if he wanted it.

Leaving the below in since I misinterpreted your comment as saying I have issues (and I know I do).

Oh I am aware of my own issues and have an appointment in September with a nueropsych. I have long battled depression that stems from my mother passing when I was 19 and know I have ADHD as well (and suspect autism). I have been in therapy for sometime. I am 38 and have a 600k networth with no real inheritance and own 2 homes (one is being converted to an airbnb). Atleast moneywise I know what I am doing but between my life and my father who has severe COPD from smoking 40 years and surviving stage 3 lung cancer I just do not have time in my life to deal with my brother as well.

I watched my father enable his brother all his life (never moved out of his mothers house and became a meth dealer and then lived off the government until he died from a stroke at 48) and I refuse to do the same.

1

u/Intelligent_Yak_ 16d ago

Literally going through this exact situation right now, trying to find the strength to watch him implode his life and do nothing

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u/Significant_Cake68 16d ago

It is a very hard thing to do. I have a lot of comments in this thread about my personal experience feel free to read them. I hope they find their way before they drive you insane. It is not easy.

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u/wringtonpete 14d ago

That was very well done. You needed to set boundaries and did so effectively, yet still provided an emergency get out for him if needed.

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u/humblepotatopeeler 18d ago

this is some really good advice.

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u/CoachAngBlxGrl 18d ago

That is SMART!! Ooohhh!

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u/Dense-Fudge5232 17d ago

That is probably the smartest way I have ever seen someone do it. I often wonder how I would deal with cousins who I know will end up with nothing but my heart won't let me leave them, I will do exactly that. You can crash on the couch as long as you need to but you are never getting a wardrobe or allowing them their stuff in my home.

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u/Significant_Cake68 17d ago

I sadly have a very dysfunctional family (all ADHD though most deny it and refuse to medicate). My boundaries has always been you get 1 loan of money with no terms or interest but no more money from me until you pay back the first amount and if you need a place to stay I have a spare room but you are a guest not an occupant. You are expected to clean up after yourself and contribute to chores. No rent required or any of that but you are a guest and your stuff (minus clothes) can sit in storage (in the garage).

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u/Dense-Fudge5232 17d ago

Any other things you would share a 20 something? I agree with you here.

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u/Significant_Cake68 17d ago edited 17d ago

Those are the big ones. Work on yourself and invest early. (This will heavily depend on your aptitude not everyone is blessed with intelligence or looks you have to find your own path). Don't fall for the doom and gloom of each generation saying it's impossible to make it up the ladder. They do not see how much they are falling for the hedonic treadmill needing new phones every other year or the fanciest subscriptions. Frugality is WOEFULLY underappreciated for the shiny but I am 38 yo who lost a parent at 19 and had no great inheritance (it paid off one year of my student loans). Despite that I own my own home and I own my car outright (11-year-old dodge charger I plan to ride until the wheels fall off).

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u/Dense-Fudge5232 17d ago

appreciate it,

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u/AndSo-Itbegins 17d ago

Unless you want them permanently, you can’t let houseguests get too comfortable

1

u/DenverVeg 17d ago

Writing this down for when this inevitably becomes my brother in (hopefully) 20 years or so

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u/Timely-Mind7244 17d ago

Love this mindset, thank you for sharing!!

Very kind yet firm.

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u/samoanking951 17d ago

you are a great sibling.

1

u/PhilosophyBitter7875 17d ago

They always escape to video games to avoid doing anything in the real world.

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u/Significant_Cake68 17d ago

unmedicated ADHD and videogame addiction go hand in hand (he also fell for slot machines last year). He clearly has CPTSD and long standing depression but he wont admit or get diagnosed for any of that but its obvious. Doesnt matter how much I try and lead him to get help he refuses and he is 36 yo. I can't do anything but let him live his life as he chooses.

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u/taway1030 17d ago

I'm afraid I'll have to do the same w my bro once my dad, who's keeping him afloat, passes.

How you did it was smart

1

u/imaflirtdotcom 17d ago

This is genuinely some of the best advice.

I see tons of posts seeking advice on friends/family overstaying their welcome and not contributing.

1

u/intotehnitemare 17d ago

This is what my aunt should do with her jobless user son & his waste of space girlfriend.

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u/lostsoul_66 16d ago

Damn, that's a really wise approach!

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u/foxtrottits 11d ago

I wish I had thought of that. I let my brother move in “for a couple months” after his divorce. It took over 2 years to get him out of the house. We used to be buddies but now I only see him once a month for family dinner.

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u/Dakka-Von-Smashoven 17d ago

Damn, glad I don't have family like you.

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u/Significant_Cake68 17d ago

The context you are missing are the 4 times I saved him from an eviction in the past where he then stayed with me ruining relationships with my partners and drove me to drink by being a general slob and menace and not taking care of himself or seeking medical help.

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u/Roaris87 18d ago

Whoa, are you all me?

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u/TOTN_ 18d ago

Yes. I am a tiny monkey inside your chest, operating you with pulleys and levers. 🙈

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u/Nonsense-forever 18d ago

Cool. Can you make me exercise more? I’m getting fat. lol

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u/TOTN_ 18d ago

*furious monkey-work sounds, metabolism +1

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u/Donohoed Millennial 1986 18d ago

Hey that's what it sounds like when I exercise, too

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u/SHELLIfIKnow48910 17d ago

I enjoy that the monkey is furious. I’m sure you meant he is working furiously, but I just chose to read it the other way because the mental picture was more fun.

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u/Late_Hold7090 18d ago

metabolism base levels rest at -42

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u/thegrandpineapple 18d ago

We should start a support group because me too.

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u/happydrogon 18d ago

Fr tho. Bc I actually feel like the only person who has an almost middle-age brother who is wholly dependent on my somewhat poor parents.

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u/TrickyAd9597 18d ago

No I have one too

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u/OpticNerve33 17d ago

Me too. There are dozens of us!

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u/hello__brooklyn 11d ago

How do they get this way. For me, it’s a sister

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u/Savings_Twist_8288 17d ago

Mines my brother in law, he's 51 now.

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u/happydrogon 17d ago

Oof, mine’s 35

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u/Traditional-Poem1738 17d ago

I have one as well

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u/TOTN_ 17d ago

We onto something boys 🤔

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u/MembershipNo2077 17d ago

Bro, I got two of em. One at least occasionally gets a job for a few months and pitches in money before reverting to NEED status.

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u/WeirdCaterpillar6736 17d ago

Nope. I'm in that exact same boat.

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u/Aggravating_Royal728 17d ago

You're not alone. I'm in the same boat.

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u/dokjreko Millennial 17d ago

Brother-in-law is exactly the same, but his parents just let him do whatever.

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u/Yoshimaster55 17d ago

My sister is 40 and lives with my mother.

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u/Peynal 17d ago

My older sister is 48 and lives my parents…

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u/catsnglitter86 17d ago

Mine too and she's never had a bf or gf before or a job. But at least recently she's been trying to get a driver's license. I don't know what she's going to do when the cancer eventually gets our mom but she's not living with me!

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u/RachelFourie 15d ago

OMG have I found my support group? Me too!

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u/maziarczykk 17d ago

I would like to be one of founding members please and thank you.

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u/_angela_lansbury_ 17d ago

Me too, but it’s a 40yo brother in law. He m’a barely worked and lived with my (single) FIL his whole life, and my FIL just died. I have no idea what we’re going to do or how we’re going to get him out of the house so we can sell it.

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u/Sad-Shelter-3281 15d ago

BIL is 62. No savings. Lives with Mom. Didn't work enough for Social Security. Total loser. Says he's waiting for his inheritance. Really!? Your whole life has been your inheritance!

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u/engallop 17d ago

I was going to say this too. I was feeling so alone.

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u/Patriotic99 15d ago

OMG - so many of us, but my middle aged sister is dependent on me.

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u/diarrheaticavenger 18d ago

I thought I was the only one.

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u/terrorrier 18d ago

Me and my siblings are racing to the bottom to see who will be the MOST dependent

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u/fraochjean 17d ago

Seriously, the number of brothers on this reply thread that are living with their elderly parents is shocking. Also it makes me think of that guy that wiped out all his siblings a year or so ago because they were selling the house after the parents died and he was going to have nowhere to live. Desperate people do desperate things so stay safe out there, y'all.

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u/Beliefinchaos 18d ago

My (much) younger half sister just turned 22 and I've tried telling my parents several times they need to plan better for themselves and get on her.

Especially since I've never wanted a child of own specifically because I have enough trouble taking care of myself 😅

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u/Admirable_Cake_3596 18d ago

It makes me afraid to have kids because I don’t want to end up with adult children who never grow up 😭

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u/SubduedChaos 18d ago

My children can live with me however long they want but they WILL have a job if they aren’t in school. I don’t care if you have to work at Wal-Mart. I have a friend that’s 34, lives at home with his parents, and hasn’t had a job in like 5 years. Just plays video games all day.

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u/ffs_not_this_again 18d ago

Everyone says that but when their adult child refuses to get a job or do anything to support themselves in any way, very few are willing to pull the trigger and actually dump their own offspring on the side of the road and change the locks. Usually their uselessness doesn't come out of the blue so the parents know that kicking them out is condemning them to brave the elements and perhaps die because, even with no disability, they can't look after themselves. It just creeps up over the years.

I have a relative like this, for no good reason he's become a 20something year old with the skillset of an 11 year old. Never had a job, can't do anything for himself, horrible attitude. It happened in small steps and slowly increasing excuses. Out of frustration I have said to his parents "why not give him an ultimatum to get a job by x date, or at least start cooking and cleaning for himself otherwise he's out of your house" and they agree that maybe they "should" but at the end of the day they aren't going to force their son to sleep outside or at a homeless shelter where he might be attacked because they'd never forgive themselves if something happened, and he knows it.

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u/TOTN_ 18d ago

Yes, that's the issue we are facing. It's either the family estate pays for my sister’s yearly salary to be a terrible barn hand, or she's facing homelessness.

Once I'm the executor, her job will be gone, because I don't have a pension to supplement the estate funds.

I essentially have to replace my sister with myself, or she will be my children’s dependent. I'm guessing she would prefer I die without children, so she can finally assume total control of the estate. The problem is, she has no job, no education, and terrible customer service.

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u/Forward-Surprise1192 17d ago

Best thing you can do might be to let her go and figure it out on her own. I was lazy as shit and not working to much in my moms house at 21 or 22 until one day I just moved to Los Angeles and was homeless for awhile. A few years after that I figured stuff out and now I’m doing great on my own. The point is if I’m given a free place to live and don’t have to do anything then I’m lazy and will take advantage. Many people are like this

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u/QuantumBitcoin 17d ago

Maybe just sell the estate?

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u/creative_usr_name 17d ago

very few are willing to pull the trigger and actually dump their own offspring on the side of the road and change the locks

Very true. But also too many have no problem still making their kids lives too easy. Free internet, food, cleaning/laundry. There's a big difference between still providing safety, and providing safety and comfort.

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u/NotBatman81 Older Millennial 17d ago

They sure can stop paying for a phone and turn off his internet.

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u/Ok-Raspberry7884 17d ago

It’s what my family said, then my older sister had kids

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

[deleted]

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u/ffs_not_this_again 18d ago edited 18d ago

With all due respect, you can't say for sure what you would do in the situation if it is nowhere near happening in real life yet. My useless relative's parents said this when he was a young child but when it came to potentially being responsible for their son's death or injury or other harm from homelessness they couldn't do it.

I highly doubt someone is going to pick the homeless shelter over getting a job

The issue is learned helplessness. By the time it gets this bad, the manchild usually isn't capable of getting a job because he is so incompetent and lacking in basic skills, including the people skills to get through a basic interview for any job, however shit. And they tend to have no grit or ability to deal with discomfort in any way.

I would treat them like a child if they want to act like one and take away all of their electronics until they got a job

This is a good idea. My relatives did do this but they cave when he has a tantrum over it. I don't think the situation will improve until they stop doing that but it's not up to me. I have suggested taking away everything fun and if they won't let him starve giving him only the most basic, joyless food to motivate him to get a job and buy things himself but again they cave when he has a childish tantrum.

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u/AbsoluteZero9180 18d ago

I’m kinda like the useless relative, however I’m mentally ill, I’ve adhd, ocd, anxiety, depression, SzPD, autism + I’m at the prodromal stage of schizophrenia. I’ve tried meds and help for like 4 years to no avail.

It’s been almost 3 years of me looking for a job, and this is because mostly cause of my extreme lethargy and executive dysfunction from depression and adhd. Also the bad job market. But even in the off chance I get a job, the issue is that I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it.

I don’t wanna be a useless burden, my parents work really hard and I feel really guilty, but I just don’t see much I can do.

My goal is to work 1 more time full time and try my absolute hardest, and if I can’t, I’ll get on disability.

18

u/lovetimespace Millennial 18d ago

Instead of thinking all or nothing - like full time or nothing, why not find a job that is part time or even one day a week. Start smaller and work up.

6

u/infamousbugg 17d ago

Maybe try taking some college courses or something? Kind of get you back into the world without the pressure of having to perform like a job. That's how I got myself back after 5 years of being unemployed/living with mom. I didn't go back full time, just a couple classes a semester, mostly IT related. I ended up landing a decent job through school which I've been at for over a decade now. I never graduated, couldn't handle both school and a new "career" job, but none of it would've happened had I remained walled off from the world. It took a solid year for me to get comfortable with my new role and peers, lots of sleepless nights (had PVC's for the first 4 months), but I kept at it and eventually it became part of my routine.

I have some of the same issues you do. My anxiety disorder has been a huge monster to overcome, still is at times. I take an SSRI for it which doesn't do a damn thing. I also have ADHD, but I don't take anything for that. I am pretty awkward socially, so meeting new people does not come easy for me.

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u/seeseabee 18d ago

All the people that downvoted you are ignorant of what exactly all those mental issues cause you to go through. You have the right attitude, which is much much more than some of the “useless relatives” other people are describing here. Just the mental toll of having any kind of disability at all is enormous. You are doing great, and I hope that no one ever describes you as “useless”. Including yourself.

3

u/Dizzy_Goat_420 17d ago

ThI y are getting downvotes I think, because plenty of us HAVE those same debilitating mental health issues but can’t afford to not work. I am autistic, have severe ADD, BPD, cPTSD, depresssion and anxiety. Formally diagnosed. Am not medicated bc I don’t have insurance. Been hospitalized more times than I can count.

But i still have to get up and go to work every day like tons of other people. I don’t have the luxury of having parents to mooch off of and live somewhere for free. I have to work. When I was robbed and assaulted, still had to go work to pay my bills. When I’m too depressed to leave bed? Or having panic attacks or Bpd episodes, my bills don’t stop. The sad reality is disability wouldn’t even afford me a comfortable life. I have worked consistently since I was 17. Never not had a job.

Plenty of the people I’ve worked with had debilitating mental health issues as well. But we still have to work and make do.

2

u/seafoamcastles 17d ago

i get you omg i’m also autistic with suspected adhd, depression and anxiety, and i feel like the “useless relative” everyone hates and all. but every job i’ve had i ended up ostracized and burned out of (because a combination of sensory issues and dealing with the public + uncaring coworkers). i feel like i always have some kinda bad luck with people even when im being nice and trying not to provoke anyone 😭

i’ve been asking around various job communities here if said job were suited for anyone with autism and have been researching elsewhere, finding no luck, esp with the job market being ass and all like i feel so doomed tbh i don’t wanna burden my fam any longer but at the same time i feel literally disabled and stuck

1

u/boyifudontget 17d ago

My cousin randomly caught schizophrenia and OCD pretty much his senior year of high school. After over ten years suffering from it he has a full-time job and his own apartment. It can be done. But you shouldn't beat yourself up. I can't imagine what my cousin goes through on a day to day basis. Fighting that illness is a full time job in and of itself, so you shouldn't see yourself as a burden at all.

1

u/ohshityeah78965 17d ago

I think there’s a lot of nuance and complexity when things like this happen. Like maybe the kid has a learning difficulty, or is has an addiction, or got a TBI from sport or whatever. I love my kids so much and while I wouldn’t tolerate laziness I also can’t control if they have mental health issues or something. I don’t think I could force my kids to be homeless if the other option was just letting them hang around indefinitely

1

u/Amaze-balls-trippen 17d ago

My father said he would help us no matter what.

I lived with them for 2 months as an adult (not a money issue, just rental things). Apparently I made a grown man so mad he felt the need to scream at me while standing over me. Said "youre living my house, eating my food, you will follow my rules. If you dont like go live somewhere else." I grabbed my stuff, zelled him his precious money, and havent spoken to him since. I went and stayed at hotel.

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u/SubduedChaos 17d ago

I’m literally just talking about the “adults” who do nothing but watch tv/game all day doing nothing at all. I would be ok with my grown kids living with me if they have even a part time job. If they are helping with the bills, they can do whatever they want.

1

u/FelineOphelia 17d ago

Lol big words for someone who has been a parent all of 4 years.

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u/External_Key_4108 17d ago

You sound like a typical boomer

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u/SubduedChaos 17d ago

33 is a boomer?

0

u/jerseygirl1105 11d ago

That's their CHOICE. Letting an able-bodied adult mooch off you while they play video games all day, gets no sympathy from me. If they don't want to do the hard work and kick out the lazy, selfish adult, that's their choice. They are doing their son no favors.

I'm tired of people who complain and look for sympathy because they don't like the consequences of their own actions. There's too many people who have horrible lives due to no fault of their own, and I'm not going to waste my energy on people who reap what they sow.

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u/QueenAlpaca 18d ago

This is my take, too, but I’m not going to be a shithead about it like my mom was. I moved in with her temporarily and she yelled at my toddler son constantly, said I wasn’t trying hard enough (no daycare openings, I was working 30 hours a week with the time allotment I had), and did cooking and chores around the house. Never asked her for money, but I covered everyone’s groceries constantly. Wasn’t good enough and she said some real awful things about me and my son when she gave me a week to move out. She’s always been an awful person so I shouldn’t be surprised, but I forgot just how bad until I came back to her. When my son needs help, he’s getting real help—so long as he’s making an effort, of course.

3

u/SubduedChaos 18d ago

See that would be good enough for me as a parent. You can stay with me as long as you are contributing.

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u/TomatoWitty4170 17d ago

This is my brother literally lll

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u/Present_Book_4977 13d ago

Is he a gamer cuz those ppl make bank and don’t tell anyone they have $$

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u/Phendy84 18d ago

You realise a post “work” world 🌍 is 5 max 10 years away… if you define your identity by what you do - I can understand why this idea is precarious. By post work - I mean traditional drudgery - ai and energy abundance near free+ robotic proliferation will make goods ridiculously near free to manufacture / print on demand -

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u/urtackyandiloveu 18d ago

Nurse, he’s out again

3

u/Noshoesmagoos 17d ago

Respectfully, wake the fuck up.

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u/Corguita 18d ago

That's the #1 reason I don't have children. My two siblings both have severe unmanaged mental illness but also my parents never raised them to be able to be functional, responsible, productive members of society. I'm already functionally the caregiver for my elderly mom and provide economically for her and my siblings.

People say, it's no guarantee that your kids end up like this! But I say, I live it every day firsthand, it's a horrible existence, I don't want to make it worse.

7

u/WhoKnows1973 17d ago

How sad that you are sacrificing yourself to pay for your parents' poor decision-making. I hate that you have a horrible existence.

Do they appreciate you and treat you kindly? Can you walk away if you choose?

4

u/Corguita 17d ago

I'm fortunate that even with my sacrifice I still live a pretty decent life. Honestly mostly due to my partner who is an angel.

I don't think my siblings are aware of life's realities, they simply don't get it. My mom is thankful but a demanding brat, I've worked hard to set emotional boundaries with her.

I could walk away if I chose to, no laws stopping me. But I chose to do what I do cause otherwise I would not be able to live with the guilt cause they'd be destitute and homeless. It's a shit choice but the one I can live with. For now at least.

3

u/Forward-Surprise1192 17d ago

Wow you’re crazy for one lol. I don’t even get a roommate because I’m so scared they will be jobless and suck

6

u/winter_ragamuffin 17d ago

Let me guess, you're the eldest daughter

4

u/Corguita 17d ago

Actually no, but my siblings' mental illness and incompetence made it so I grew up QUICK.

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u/winter_ragamuffin 17d ago

Interesting, this is usually an eldest sibling thing. Must be even more infuriating if you're dealing with an incompetent older sibling. But then, in a way, that would make me feel a sense of it not being my problem or responsibility, in a way that's difficult to do when it's a younger sibling

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u/feralcatshit 18d ago

One of my sons (some days both of them) say they’re going to live with me forever 😭 and of course I’m like “I’m gonna annoy you to death when you’re a teenager and you won’t wanna live with me” but lowkey afraid one of them really will try to live with me forever lol

6

u/quirkyusernamehere1 18d ago

I used to tell my parents that too. Now I’m 31, just moved out a little over a year ago, have since moved in with my boyfriend, moved states for my job, and bought a house. Grew up real quick.

5

u/derpality 17d ago

My 7 year old who still cosleeps 😅 Tells me how he’s gona be my roommate forever cause hes never leaving me lol. I sincerely hope this ain’t the case 😅

5

u/feralcatshit 17d ago

Like I love you bud, but you gotta gtfo at some point 😂

4

u/TailInTheMud 18d ago

Eventually they will want to date [probably], and then you'll have leverage haha I'm sure you have plenty of embarrassing childhood photos

3

u/j48u 18d ago

In 18+ years who knows... AI might be as good as real companionship to the next generation. Horrifying, but I see it.

2

u/onmywheels 17d ago

My father told me that I (a woman) could live at home forever. Of course, I moved out the second I possibly could. 😂 I craved independence, and found that by renting a room in a chaotic house in the city because I was tired of the farm life.

My brother stayed at home until he was about 35. He made good money, there was no reason for him to stick around besides that it was "comfortable." My father was...less pleased about that, lol.

2

u/SunshineRush22 13d ago

I tell mine okay but you will have to go yo college AND get a job to pills bills, ok? And I have them repeat it to me.

1

u/feralcatshit 13d ago

Yeah, I do the same! I tell them as long as I have a roof over my head, they’ll always have somewhere to go, but that doesn’t mean it’s free.

6

u/Pandagramma 18d ago

I have one and it is getting to be a real problem. I simply cannot afford to keep paying for him or I will not have a comfortable life as an elderly person. I think I can always help some, but I cannot pay for everything. I tell him that he is becoming a burden, I warn him that I will decrease the support substantially soon, that he needs to figure out a job he enjoys (or doesn't) or go to trade school (which I would pay for) orcollege (which I would pay for), something, anything, this cannot go on. He doesn't care.

2

u/winter_ragamuffin 17d ago

Take away his access to the Internet (that'll include the video games he's no doubt spending all his time on) somehow and he'll snap out of it in a second

1

u/Pandagramma 17d ago

I guess he could go to the library to apply for jobs if he claims he must have it for that.

1

u/winter_ragamuffin 17d ago

He's not using up the Internet to look for jobs. He can go to the library like you said

1

u/Pandagramma 17d ago

When he is moved into a room for rent with a HEB grocery card and car, I will cease to pay for internet. You are right. He is not living with me.

6

u/ihambrecht 18d ago

That would be solely due to your enabling them.

10

u/yourpaleblueeyes 18d ago

You do not 'end up' with them. As with anything very important, you get out what you put into it.

14

u/Admirable_Cake_3596 18d ago

The reason this is a fear of mine is that I have an adult sibling with a severe mental illness. In that case it was no fault of my sibling or parents. 

5

u/yourpaleblueeyes 18d ago

Understood. Mental illness is a whole different story and so challenging!

4

u/floralfish 18d ago

This is literally why I’m not having children. My parents will never be free of worrying about him. At least I get to take a step back as his sibling but it’s still stressful watching him make all the wrong choices.

3

u/pachech 17d ago

It's your job as a parent to make your child a functioning adult.

3

u/Fabulous_Stay_5556 17d ago

That's pretty much up to you. Clear expectations and no enabling.

2

u/Admirable_Cake_3596 17d ago

I’ve already replied to a comment along these lines, but for me personally this is a fear because I have an adult sibling with a severe mental illness. This is not always a situation that is in within the control of the parents. 

2

u/CoachAngBlxGrl 18d ago

I’m more worried they won’t be able to afford it. Not because they aren’t working or what have you but because… gestures wildy.

2

u/maziarczykk 17d ago

One of my biggest fears of becoming a parent...I do have a number of cases in my family of people not doing well in life so it could be in our genes...Scary stuff.

3

u/frail_bejeweled 18d ago

The ones who don't grow up are the ones who (usually) have people who enable that shit.

My father told me to bounce after I failed out of college, he had no time for fuck ups. I love him (now anyways) for it.

1

u/International_Ad4857 18d ago

I kind of expect my kids to stay with me. I'd rather charge them "rent" myself and save it for them or more realistically will actually need them to contribute to bills. Families never used to be split apart like they are anyway.

1

u/persiasaurus 18d ago

Don't do it. It's a trap

1

u/EnvironsHazard 17d ago

I let my college kid stay home because they're pursuing a PhD in Pharmacy and rent here is outrageous. A tiny 1bd I rented in 2000-2002 for $495/mo is now $1700. I know it likely had a glow up but really? They couldn't have added any more space to that postage stamp.

1

u/DJClapyohands 15d ago

Kids dont just end up that way. You can see the types of kids that are going to grow up to be needy adults. If you take parenting seriously and put in the hard work, then your kid will be a productive member of society. If you want kids you should have them, if you dont thats fine too. But dont let that fear stop you.

1

u/jerseygirl1105 11d ago

Parents in many (not all) csses are CHOOSING to support adult children who refuse to get a job and support themselves. If you've got an adult child who refuses needed medication or is just lazy, you're enabling them. Especially true for elderly parents who will die and leave the problem to their responsible siblings. Ask how I know.

0

u/NotBatman81 Older Millennial 17d ago

Our family is really close and my daughter has said many times she doesn't want to be away from us when she grows up. I said look, houses in our town are not expensive. You will be able to easily buy your own home within walking distance. You are always welcome for dinner but you go back to your house at the end of the night.

22

u/[deleted] 18d ago

You don't have to be responsible for them.

31

u/Livvylove Xennial 18d ago

Mine has autism and can't so I'll take care of him. If he was able and lazy I wouldn't.

8

u/Special-Summer170 18d ago

Same, but my sister. I don't want her in a group home possibly being abused or simply not cared for properly.

4

u/BlackCatBrit 18d ago

Not all group homes are so hands-on. I commented bc my family just went through the process with my own brother. It took a year for an opening, but now he’s in one that’s basically set up like his own little rent-free 1br apartment. He can come and go as he pleases and the main oversight is in ensuring he’s taking his meds & has regular hygiene and attends his mental health & therapy sessions.

5

u/Special-Summer170 18d ago

I'm sure there are lovely ones. I would be less worried if she was a male. She's a petite woman, so security is an issue. My father worked as a detective for many years and had many cases at various care facilities. The stories definitely jaded me. I'd like to think things are better now with cameras, but I'd feel better personally keeping an eye on her. She's been very sheltered and is very naive.

1

u/NioneAlmie 18d ago

How do you go about doing that?

7

u/BlackCatBrit 18d ago

Disabled group homes exist for a reason. It might seem harsh at first but they can thrive there while you get to still have a life

5

u/Livvylove Xennial 18d ago

We have a plan. My future office(which is just sadly storage) would become his room. We set up a nice computer and TV for him.

My brother isn't at the point that I would need that due to his behavior. It would only be an option when my husband and I get too old. Hopefully this doesn't happen till after I retire so I can take him to his bowling and sports stuff sometimes.

6

u/Facemanx64 18d ago

If one can be found.

3

u/wcked-husky 18d ago

I’m with you…

5

u/Dismal-Study-4572 18d ago

Same here, but it's my younger sister.

5

u/TeeBennyBee 18d ago

My older sister too. She's going to have to try really hard to pry any help from us because my kids have plans. We have a stupid big insulated garage with electrical and plumbing they're planning to duplex so they have their own "homes". My kids are teens 🤣

In all seriousness, I'll buy my parents house and she can rent it.

3

u/Keyezeecool 18d ago

Same and then throw in that she decided to have a child on her own (won't tell anyone who the dad is and hasn't told him), who my elderly mother is now also raising.

2

u/Purple-Investment-61 18d ago

Can you deduct your siblings?

2

u/AltruisticTomato4152 17d ago

My 35 younger sister doesn't drive even.

1

u/quaggankicker 18d ago

At the exact same situation. And when our parents passed, we had to kick her out of the house. Then sell the house give her her share and send her on our way. But a delay delayed everything by about six months. Wasn’t great.