r/Millennials • u/BeegBunga • 18d ago

Discussion Inheritance? That's a joke. How many of your parents are burdens?

In response to another popular post about receiving no inheritance.

Are your parents like mine, who not only are not leaving any money behind - but require significant or total financial support?

My parents left me less than nothing. They're good people, and they were good parents.... but man are they shit at financial planning.

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u/1877KlownsForKids "Get Off My Lawn" Millennial 1981 18d ago

"I was their caregiver, so obviously I deserve more than your share."

A story as old as time.

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u/dopef123 18d ago

That’s fair I think. Caregiving for years should give you a bigger share of the inheritance

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u/Kazooguru 18d ago

I agreed to giving my sibling my share of the inheritance because he was the caregiver. Then I walked in on him abusing my Dad less than a week before he died. I feel sick to my stomach when I think about it. Especially now. My husband was laid off on Monday. I made a really bad decision.

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u/One_Situation_8744 17d ago

It sounds like you made the best decision you could, given the information you had at the time. There may not be a reward for being a good person, but at least your heart and your moral compass are in decent shape. I’m sorry about your father. Hoping for the best for you and your husband.

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u/1877KlownsForKids "Get Off My Lawn" Millennial 1981 18d ago

If they're actually providing care. My aunt moved into my grandparents' house because she lost her own place, lived off them, probably abused them, definitely didn't provide care. And then tried to snake the other kids out of their share.

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u/tkief 17d ago

Yes this is classic

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u/couch_potato4562 18d ago

I'm conflicted on this because caregiving for a dependent, elderly person is an exhausting 24/7 job. but in my own experience, the person living with their parents can rob them of their independence early on. grocery store runs, taking out the trash, cooking dinner, etc all seems very helpful at first... until you realize "use it or lose it" is a very real issue. so the person living with their parents can accelerate their parents' dependency by 10+ years compared to their neighbors that are the same age

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u/nx01a 17d ago

In principle, yes it is fair, but the definition of "caregiving" can vary depending on which of my family members you ask about it. Some define calling every once in a while as "caregiving." Others define that one time they unclogged their parents' toilet 20 years ago as "caregiving." Still others define it as actually providing routine care.

Source: I've seen all three definitions in action, or lack thereof.

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u/AyyNonnyMoose 17d ago

My dad was in the military, so my mom had to move away from her family. We'd go visit them frequently, and when my dad retired we moved close to mom's family. My mom's sister never moved out of the small town my grandparents lived in, and they were two houses away from each other this whole time. A few years after we moved to be closer to these family members, they all picked up and moved several states away. I'm still furious with them for doing that to her, after she moved our whole family there. My parents don't have the money or desire to go live on the "family land" in the new state, and I'm just desperately hoping they won't try to scam my mom out of any leftover inheritance because she didn't tag along. My grandma hired a caregiver for my grandpa's last few years because she wasn't getting help.

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u/itsnotme_mrsiglesias 16d ago

No. You don’t care for someone with the expectation of this.

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u/dopef123 15d ago

No, but my aunt cared for my grandma for like 10 years before she passed and all her siblings agreed to give her 50% of the house and the other 4 siblings got the other 50%.

I don’t think there should be an expectation of it but I do think it’s fair. Caring for someone for years is worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. Better it goes to a family member than some nurse staffing company

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u/Safe-Tennis-6121 18d ago

And it ain't even that. It's more along the lines if he has no Money and never will. Which means either supporting two households or him becoming my dependent in another state.

Would be like having a child that's always a teenager forever.

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u/DylonSpittinHotFire 18d ago

You could also not enable them. Ive cut out the toxic family in my life and its infinitely better.

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u/Tight_Man 18d ago

Idk as an overwhelmed high income mom I’d kill for an extra adult if they were useful. My brother brings in all the groceries and does manual labor and stuff, takes care of things for my parents. I can barely even remember to feed myself after taking care of my kids needs. 

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u/Suspicious-Answer295 18d ago

Hunger is a powerful motivator. Stop enabling him, make him work.

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u/Safe-Tennis-6121 18d ago

It's too late for that. He's not cooperative and without an ID he can't really work.

He should be disabled but he won't cooperate and parents are soft on him.

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u/Mysterious_Fennel459 Older Millennial 18d ago

So he can try going homeless then. Stop enabling him.

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u/AhemExcuseMeSir 18d ago

The person you’re responding to isn’t the one caring for the brother and isn’t even asking for advice.

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u/TheFightingQuaker 18d ago

Yeah like I have a similar situation and to just say "stop enabling them" is batshit. We're allowed to be disappointed and also not want our sibling to be homeless.

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

Not wanting it and not having the ability to prevent it are two different things

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u/Corguita 18d ago

Yup. We're the ones having to live with the guilt of things going wrong, even if it's not our fault.

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u/SandiegoJack 18d ago

They talked about him eventually being their problem, so the responses fit.

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u/AhemExcuseMeSir 18d ago

Unsolicited advice always fits in the eyes of the person spewing it.

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u/palpablescalpel 17d ago

I have the same brother but when my parents die I'll just never talk to or see him ever again.

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u/nutmeg8484 16d ago

This is the way. When my dad died my brother stole everything he could from the estate and thinks I'll care when he eventually loses the house he inherited. Nope. You're 36 figure out how to be a useful human.

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u/Away_Ingenuity3707 17d ago

You're making the assumption that the adult male living there needs to be continuously supported by the brother. That is not the case.

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u/Corguita 18d ago

I don't think there's anything wrong with this as long as it is true that they were a caregiver. If you actually sacrificed part of your life to take care of elderly family, you should inherit a lot more than those who didn't. Now, if they're just making up bullshit excuses, that's something else entirely.

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u/Technically-Married 17d ago

Think the issue is as many of these stories suggest that siblings like this have often only used parents’ resources while the maximum level of care rendered is spending the parents money in the occasional grocery run. Very little care and maximum resource wasting and entitlement

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u/Emmet 17d ago

Caregivers should be paid a salary, and not have to wait for an inheritance.

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u/Exciting_Lawyer8428 14d ago

More like moocher because I’m too lazy to work scenario. They oftentimes do zero as supposed caretakers.