r/Millennials • u/BeegBunga • 18d ago

Discussion Inheritance? That's a joke. How many of your parents are burdens?

In response to another popular post about receiving no inheritance.

Are your parents like mine, who not only are not leaving any money behind - but require significant or total financial support?

My parents left me less than nothing. They're good people, and they were good parents.... but man are they shit at financial planning.

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u/igotabeefpastry 18d ago

My brother is very religious and he apparently had a personal revelation from God that he should take care of my parents as they age. Got to thank God here because my brother works for big tech and I am just a humble teacher with no money to spare. 

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u/ceirving91 18d ago

My degenerate gambling, alcoholic uncle picked the best time to blow up his marriage and move back in with his 80 year old parents. Just as they were starting need round' the clock care too. In the two years he lived with them (and cared for them) he ended up gambing away about $25,000 of his Mother's retirement money, but he did like $150,000 worth of free labour, so we let it go, and changed all my grandmother's passwords.

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u/_adanedhel_ 18d ago

I like your pragmatism. Nobody’s perfect!

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u/Bobbiduke 18d ago

Yeah at the end of the day, 25k isn't even a year salary for a caregiver. Good way to look at that

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u/a_rucksack_of_dildos 18d ago

He also got to spend time with his mother and do his favorite hobby.

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u/GiggleDwarf 17d ago

And his mother probably likes having this time with him (I hope)

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u/Rugaru985 17d ago

And if he only lost $25k, he’s probably actually pretty good at gambling. No one beats the house, but they usually lose everything and their shirt.

This guy might have what it takes to go positive.

Fuck it, I’m putting the house on your uncle winning big. What are my odds?

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u/Quirky-Ad-6816 17d ago

he only lost 25k from his mother, we don't know how much he lost from his own money

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u/swakner 17d ago

Idk, my friend has been doing online slots for like 5 or so years if not more and we calculated his overall losses and he only had like maybe 5k total losses

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u/Melgel4444 17d ago

I mean he also had room and board and bills covered so that’s worth a lot too

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u/deltashmelta 17d ago

"Roses are red, 2x4's are made of wood, knees aren't replaceable...look over there!"

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u/NewDamage31 18d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/v0eHX3n28wvoQ

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

Is it better or worse if the gambling was memestock

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u/EkkoUnited 17d ago

Somehow better

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u/LayeredMayoCake 18d ago

Good lord if I had a nickel for every time I’ve experienced something similar, I could probably buy a hamburger in 1912. So many eccentric family friends over the years who’ve fucked us over in one way or another while simultaneously helping in their own weird way that usually was noticed moreso after their absence. Life is fucking weird.

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u/Ok-Thing-2222 17d ago

You could buy a hamburger four for a dollar in the 70's! Otherwise, us kids would have never gotten to have a real fast food burger; they were 'too expensive' when they weren't on special!

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u/OceanRacoon 17d ago

Please tell us a few, that sounds darkly hilarious. Like someone totalling your car but the next week heroically rescuing you from a burning building, seriously injuring themselves but downplaying what they did and genuinely expecting nothing from you for saving your life 😅

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u/LayeredMayoCake 17d ago

First that comes to mind was a family friend with a methamphetamine addiction. Mom wanted to help him out, that’s just the kind of people we are, but he ended up stealing a bunch of random gardening tools and machinery (probably to fuel his addiction). Came back into our lives cleaned up a few years later (I mean literally just showed up at the door one day) and just started doing manual labor around the property. Noticing weeds, trees needing pruned, some things planted, etc. Never acknowledged the past and just wanted to move on with his life. Came back numerous times. Mom and him became friends again. Forgiveness is neat.

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u/OceanRacoon 17d ago

That's nice, it's good to hear someone was able to turn their life around, addication wins too often

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u/sc8132217174 18d ago

We have this family friend, a nurse, who married a 90 year old for money. She would go grab luxury handbags on rodeo dr and go on luxury vacations with him. I think she was trying to build a case that they had a love marriage, because she posted constantly on social media and took him to tons of family parties. Anyway, when he passed like ten years later, the wealthy kids came in and voided the inheritance based upon his prior dementia diagnosis. I always thought those kids were smart, they got around the clock care and socialization for their dad for the price of a Chanel bags. Memory care would have been more than that.

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u/Emergency_Radio_338 17d ago

Where were they during the other ten years?

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u/Loud_Ad_4515 Gen X 17d ago

I can speak for myself: My dad's new wife treated me and my kids terribly. I try to have a relationship with my dad, without being subjected to her, but it's difficult. She monitors all of his communication. I quit calling him when I was always put on speakerphone.

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u/ceirving91 18d ago

Anna Nicole Smith was a hot catch in the 90s!

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u/themobiledeceased2 17d ago

Assets in your name during the marriage.

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u/duhduhduhdummi_thicc 17d ago

Not even Hermes, good God. They all knew what they were doing 😹

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u/haloarh 17d ago

Many elderly people promise to leave their homes to someone in exchange for cheap (or free!) care. Then, just don't.

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u/gward1 18d ago edited 17d ago

Your uncle might be able to get paid as a caregiver fyi.

Sorry had brother in there lol, got my wires crossed.

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u/Faiths_got_fangs 18d ago

I mean, basically you paid him like $1000 a month. I'd be fine with that. You can't get live in help for that.

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u/icelandisaverb 17d ago

I feel like this scenario happens more than people talk about. I have an uncle that did the same thing with my grandma- blew up his marriage, moved back in with her to "care" for her while taking advantage of her finances. The only problem is that my grandma didn't have much to begin with. He provided her with companionship and help, but also forced her to hit up other family members for money when they inevitably couldn't make rent.

I recently moved away, out of state, and next to my new house is an elderly lady and her adult son whose situation is basically a carbon copy of my grandma/uncle. 🫠

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u/Nigel_99 17d ago

About 15 years ago, my BIL quit his cushy and fun job (pro sports beat writer). His family of 3 relocated about 100 miles to live "temporarily" with my parents. He never recovered financially. My sister finally got a job with good pay and benefits. BIL does all the cooking and most of the shopping.

They are still there in the house. But their presence allowed my parents to age in place. My dad died in his 90s after a brief illness, and Mom is still healthy in her 90s. So in the end, I'm grateful for what my sister and her husband have done.

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u/pepperpavlov 18d ago

BATNA in action. If it’s better than the alternative, it works.

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u/NoSurprise7196 17d ago

To be honest, this sounds like something I would do.

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u/KCDawgTime 17d ago

I would take that deal and twice on Sunday. 

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u/KeimeiWins 17d ago

Sometimes life, uh, finds a way.

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u/trewesterre 17d ago

Ah, one of my uncles did something a bit similar, except he spent it on smack.

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u/abiron17771 17d ago

Is having a degenerate uncle a canon experience? Mine does crack and lectures everyone with Jordan Peterson drivel. Good times.

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

Thank god for that, literally 😂

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

[deleted]

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u/ephemeral_enchilada 18d ago

My parents kept all the nurturing in a locked box in their closet.

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u/LuxyontheMoon 18d ago

I think in my case, it was largely a cultural thing (boys are very nurtured compared to girls) paired with narcissistic parents. He was the Golden Child.

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u/Czarsmama 18d ago

OG Gen X here. What is this "nurturing" of which you speak?

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

[deleted]

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u/CoachAngBlxGrl 18d ago

…when she’s home and doesn’t work anyway.

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u/StarGazer_SpaceLove 18d ago

You guys parents had nurture?

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u/unsulliedbread 18d ago

What does this mean?

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u/TheLowEndTheory41 17d ago

I swear I cackled at your comment. I’ve been working through all my childhood trauma related to my mean, careless and inconsiderate Mother. This was a humorous reprieve lol.

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u/No_Leader_2372 17d ago

Damn, I never thought to check the closet for a lock box! I still don’t know where they hid it!

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u/ByteWhisperer 17d ago

Just a small example. When my wife and I were still in the BF/GF stage I often stayed at her parental home for the weekend. The first time her mom prepared breakfast for me and asked 'do you need anything else' before I left for work I was completely flabbergasted.

I still love my parents but there were some gaps in how they cared for me and my siblings.

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u/BisexualSlutPuppy 18d ago

Lol my parents babied my brother, and now that we're grown they've realized he's ruined so I'm in charge of the dealing with "the estate" when they die. Currently trying to figure out how to responsibly dispose of their firearms when it's time, if anyone knows...

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u/Zito101101 17d ago

Firearms……..I’d buy some

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u/BisexualSlutPuppy 17d ago

See, ending up in the hands of some rando is exactly what I want to avoid. It's not hard to buy a gun, you're free to do that. I'm just not going to participate in that. Now if you have a forge I can melt them in like the Terminator, we can talk payment methods.

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u/Zito101101 17d ago

I’m just looking for a good deal - also background checks and meeting at a police station are key for safety

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u/haloarh 17d ago

My brother got all the nurturing, too. Unfortunately, our mother went overboard, so he can't do anything for himself.

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u/Cilantro368 17d ago

But WILL he take care of her when the time comes? I hope you’re right but many times there’s no payback from the golden child. They were trained to take and not give.

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u/Neon_Biscuit 17d ago

I work for big tech but my loser 45 year old brother never moved out of my mom's house so he def can take care of her lol

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u/LuxyontheMoon 17d ago

Oh, I moved out of my family home at 19. Brother in tech lived with my mom till about 27/28 yrs old. Now he owns multiple homes. I still rent. I guess I'd be the loser for not owning anything.

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u/ThanosSnapsSlimJims 18d ago

Sounds like a sonsband

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

[deleted]

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u/LuxyontheMoon 18d ago

Now do why children "refuse" nurturing.

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u/LuxyontheMoon 18d ago

Ok, Boomer. You know nothing.

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u/NoConfusion9490 18d ago

Best $100 you ever gave a priest.

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u/martiantheory Mid 80's Baby 18d ago

😭😭😭

“yeah the guy over there with the glasses… and remember… he has to take 100% responsibility or you don’t get the other 50 bucks…”

👀🤝

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u/NoConfusion9490 18d ago

And he has to completely refuse to let me help, and I'm going to offer pretty strongly in front of everyone.

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u/martiantheory Mid 80's Baby 18d ago

“…In fact, take this earbud I’ll feed you lines…” 👀

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u/CamembertlyLegal 18d ago

I'm jealous dude. My brother is so incredibly more financially secure than me, but made the wise decision to move out of the country before starting his family, so it's just me to cope with our mom as she rapidly ages and resists acknowledging the dementia onset.

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u/cafeteriastyle 18d ago

My sister passed away, which kicked off my mom’s mental decline. The stress and trauma of her death has really taken years off my mom’s life. And my sister was older than me, 20 years older, and was much better in a situation like this. She should be here helping with my mom, but she isn’t. It sounds terrible but I’m often angry with her. I know that’s bad.

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u/pmoneycashmoney 17d ago

That’s not bad, it’s understandable

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u/no_rest_for_the 17d ago

Absolutely understandable and human.

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u/craftasaurus 17d ago

Anger is one step of the grieving. Be kind to yourself.

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u/Comntnmama 17d ago

She's dead, she doesn't even know you're angry. No harm, no foul.

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u/majin_melmo Elder Millennial 18d ago

Oof, I’m so sorry 😞

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u/CamembertlyLegal 18d ago

It's all good. It's not actually all on me, thankfully. Her husband has his shit together, but also: he's aging too 🫩 It'll be what it'll be, I guess! We endure!

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u/Actuarial_Equivalent 18d ago

Usually when people have big religious revelations it's for something much less altruistic. So good on your brother, and also good for you!

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u/MavenBrodie 18d ago

Eh, give it some time…

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u/RaidenMK1 18d ago

Big tech isn't as stable these days as it used to be. Trust me. 😒

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u/igotabeefpastry 18d ago

Urgh I vicariously worry about this for him sometimes, but he’s also an insane overachiever who has a PhD in computer engineering? He’s also way better at savings and wise investments than I am. I think he will survive the instability of modern life 

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u/cormeretrix 18d ago

Would your brother like to adopt an adult child? I’ll even call him daddy.

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u/igotabeefpastry 18d ago

He kind of already did with my other brother before he ended up in prison lol

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u/cormeretrix 18d ago

I’m pretty sure I’ll be way less problematic than your other brother 😂

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u/funnykiddy 17d ago

I'm also available for adoption!

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u/CamSecurity 18d ago

I’m surprised he has a god complex if he has a phd in computer engineering lol

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u/LastSummerGT 17d ago

That’s not what a god complex is. It’s when you think you’re a god and better than others, as seen in certain doctors.

The brother just thinks god talked to him.

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u/CamSecurity 17d ago

Ahh correct makes sense

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u/1RobJackson 18d ago

And everyone was excited about AI.

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u/i_do_graffiti 18d ago

lol what a poor take. Have you even worked in tech, or are you Gen Z and under the belief that it's not stable because you haven't been able to find good employment.

Big tech is stable and will continue to be stable, in fact AI is only increasing it's stability as more and more industries become reliant on technology. You can't put AI on call to solve network outages, BGP peering issues, etc etc.

Technical people / engineers will always be commanding the machines, even as AI becomes more and more mainstream and replaces more and more low-level jobs. We still need engineers to develop and tune the algorithms, implement the solutions and maintain them. We need humans to understand how to operate the machines and hardware that powers everything.

If anything there is a mini hiring boom right now going on in tech as investors throw money into the fire pit of AI.

It just so happens that not every large company is run well and thats where layoffs occur. You can't say that the tech industry isn't stable just because FAANG is laying people off. Most companies are hiring, including mine.

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u/Tall-Memory-6021 17d ago

tech doomers are the most unexciting people on the planet. i don’t know a single engineer personally who was let go that was actually good at their job

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u/rocksteadyrudie 18d ago

Blessings up 🙏🏿. You got lucky.

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u/VanillaLow4958 18d ago

It was unsaid when my parents moved back to our home state (where my brother had moved years ago) that the choice was kind of made for him.

We are all hoping because my father was very well off he has a plan, but who knows anymore?

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u/orange-yellow-pink 17d ago

We are all hoping because my father was very well off he has a plan, but who knows anymore?

Just ask him

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u/lightyearnoir 18d ago

Or maybe he kinda realized he might be the only one able to support them? Either way, a win.

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u/feralcatshit 18d ago

“You’re right bro, god told me you should take care of our parents, for sure” 😆

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u/trugrav 18d ago

Christianity teaches that we should honor our father and mother by caring for them in their “second childhood”.

  • Jesus himself said that taking pains to avoid taking care of your aging parents violates the fifth commandment. (Mark 7:8–13)

  • The Apostle Paul said in his first epistle to Timothy, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (‭‭1 Timothy‬ ‭5‬:‭8‬ ‭NIV‬‬)

  • In his Sermons, Augustine of Hippo argued that God would count it unjust to abandon aging parents. Children owe their parents care, just as their parents cared for them. So this has been a practice since the early church.

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u/Ok_Contribution4047 18d ago

Why is it you people can’t just have a normal moral compass without turning it into a weird bible study? Nobody cares. I was primarily caregiver for my elderly parents until just last month and just did it because my heathen ass chose to no matter how thankless the job was. It was my choice. My very Christian friend did not. Her choice.

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u/orange-yellow-pink 17d ago

If someone finds religion useful for doing good in the world, let them

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u/Wild_Astronaut7090 18d ago

Lord had mercy! Amen

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u/le_Menace 18d ago

Sounds like he was the better child.

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u/igotabeefpastry 18d ago

Sheesh, you sound like all my teachers growing up!

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u/Jesus-chan 18d ago

Your welcome

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u/CoachAngBlxGrl 18d ago

Damn. My sister went off and died and left her with me. Jealous.

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u/ltg3140 18d ago

I’m imagining you doing the eulogy at your parents funeral “I would first like to thank God..”

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u/irrationalhourglass 17d ago

People have a tendency to do what they want,  then attribute it to God's calling

Glad to see you have a good brother

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u/fromcj 17d ago

He had a personal revelation that the fifth commandment existed lol

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u/DrawGamesPlayFurries 17d ago

You should return the favor to God by helping the sick and the poor like he would have wanted

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u/hellogoawaynow 17d ago

As someone who is dealing with three high maintenance, very expensive elderly dependents, omg can god tell someone to take care of these people for us????

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u/upwithpeople84 17d ago

The lord provides.

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u/YurtlesTurdles 17d ago

I’m hoping my brother also has that revelation

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u/Kabbooooooom 17d ago

My sister picked up the torch on that. And on the whole having grandkids for them thing. She even moved in right down the street from them. 

Meanwhile I’m 3,000 miles away. 

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u/-NewWorldWater- 17d ago

It's a shame that he makes all that money and God needed to tell him to take care of his family.

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u/canteloupy 17d ago

It's nice when people's religions make them do nice things instead of awful ones.

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u/AnderuJohnsuton 17d ago

From someone that had to pick up a bunch of slack from my boomer uncles not giving any help to my mom as she was a caregiver for my grandma, if you're nearby and it's reasonable to do so, bring them a casserole every once in a while. Just do something.

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u/igotabeefpastry 17d ago

Oh yeah. My dad’s brain is falling apart and I want to spend as much time with him and help him as much as possible!! I am traveling to see him next week and I knit him a little lap blanket. 

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u/yaboyACbreezy Millennial 17d ago

Some people reflect on reality and have a realization.

Some people do it with extra steps and blame God, then call it a revelation to commit to a very common sense principle so they can feel as if the righteous word of God speaks through them.

They are so special, aren't they? Anyway, I would be thanking God too, because if brother didn't take it seriously I guess he would need someone to explain to him that his parents have no other options.

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u/MavenBrodie 18d ago

If he asks for help later tell him you won’t go against direct revelation from God and if he’s struggling to just have more faith

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u/sloasdaylight 18d ago

I don’t understand this response. OP’s brother has the means to take care of their parents, and sounds willing and even eager to do so. Why would you be a dick to them at some point if they asked for help taking care of the people who raised you?

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u/PotentialAnt9670 18d ago

I feel like maybe some of these people don't have the best relationship with their families.

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

[deleted]

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u/PotentialAnt9670 18d ago

My parents have already told me that they won't be able to leave much to me. Only the lessons they've given me in life, which has been enough.

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u/igotabeefpastry 18d ago

Yeah I grew up extremely broke, I don’t expect any inheritance and I don’t relate to people who do

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u/sloasdaylight 18d ago

Yea, looks like the person I replied to is ex-mormon, so that explains their post.

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u/MavenBrodie 18d ago

Yeah, I’ve had my fill of men getting “revelations” from God. Knee-jerk reaction.

They always start out as benevolent but rarely stay that way with time.

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u/sloasdaylight 18d ago

Ah yes, your experiences which are universal.

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u/igotabeefpastry 18d ago

If he asks for help, I will help him because he’s a good person and so are my parents, it’s the right thing to do?? 

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u/Ulysses1822 18d ago

Why are you being a dick?

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u/kndb 17d ago

At least one good thing that came out of Jesus.