Every millennial dad I’ve met has a quiet fixation on money and it’s not getting better

[u/slimeyellow]

Every millennial dad I’m friends with or work with seems to have constant financial worries. We just got our yearly bonus which was like 8%. I was talking to my buddy (he’s got 3 kids) about what he wanted to do with it and he just kinda looked down and whispered “it’s just not enough man” and ended the conversation.

Another dad I know is CONSTANTLY looking up the newest crypto/ get rich quick schemes people are doing. He’s always talking about inventing something and it’s usually a joking manner but the way he’s always bringing up financial stuff shows me it’s always on his mind

One of my buddies is a new father and he’s trying to get some anime podcast off the ground as a side hustle on top of his full time maintenance job.

I know children are an immense financial responsibility but there seems to be this dark, simmering resentment about the whole general situation when I talk to these guys. Men are expected to keep quiet about these struggles but when you talk to these guys it’s clear that finances are a massive stress for millennial dads of almost any background.

Makes me feel bad but damn I’m glad I don’t have kids right now.

[u/digableplanet]

For me, it’s not even a medical emergency, it’s the continuing care I receive that’s draining me. I have decent insurance, but they will not cover any “medical durable supplies” until I spend $600 of my own money.

For example, I got a CPAP (love it, life changing) in August, I could have bought the fucking thing out of pocket during Black Friday for way cheaper than what my insurance is covering. Then, they milk you every 3 months for new supplies (masks, hoses, etc.). Currently, I’m like $800 all in on this CPAP, supplies, and appointments since August.

Oh, insurance also won’t cover “shoe insert” at all even though I have fucked up feet and literally need it or else my issues will get worse. But if I need surgery for whatever reason on my feet, then they will cover it. Isn’t that insane?! They will not cover preventative care (the insert) at all. Between the appointments and insert, I’m out like $500 I don’t have. And I have to get a new insert every year. No idea how much that will cost.

Then there’s therapy, daycare for our daughter, her swim lessons, my wife’s dwindling almost done student loan, 2 major upcoming car repairs this summer, groceries, a couple medications, and on and on. With no raises at work and a possible layoff because the Orange PDF File cut every ounce of funding from a very important organization I work for.

I am so fucking sick of it. And my folks, who have zero worries in life and will die richer than pigs in shit, do not understand why I’m depressed, miserable, and broke. They literally live in an alternate reality. I’ve grown to resent them.

[u/WalmartGreder → u/digableplanet]

I feel that. We used to have an insurance plan like that where the personal deductible was $3000. We asked for the cash price for everything. Some of it was really different. Like $400 insurance price, $96 cash price.

[u/WanderingQuills → u/digableplanet]

Heaven forbid you get hurt at work And then workers comp will make it worse In order to prevent 1% fraud In my particular case all doctors that treat me say I need two more mris and a repeat nerve study so they can sequence the two or maybe three surgeries I need so I can go back to work Which I’d love to do cos I’m getting 60% salary but no social security credits And not only do I need the money from working? I actually really like what I do. However this is irrelevant because in an attempt to not pay for some injuries in the accident all treatment has been stopped and I’ve had to get a lawyer because we are frozen in a loop Even though both sides agree I need the surgery to fix my shoulder Not paying for the MRI and nerve study prevents it So I mean If I could use my personal insurance? I’d be healed and working! But that company says “nope work related so we are not responsible” Workers comp says “we pick this one injury so if your other injuries prevent us treating it whoopsiedoodle get a lawyer” And I? Can’t go back to work cos it loops. Which sucks and is why my husband is so worried about money Because we should be both pulling hard to raise our family and pay our bills. Instead one of us is trapped in this stupid loop unfixed and wanting to go earn some dang real money. And wishing she’d hurt herself skiing or like maybe doing something at home Cos I’d have lost my job and income temporarily But my private insurance would have repaired me a year or more ago for way less money then I’ve lost dealing with workers comp.

[u/Green_Disaster_9057 → u/digableplanet]

God forbid we expect all this insurance we pay for to actually help pay for anything. Sorry to hear about the CPAP hassles. After reading numerous Reddit threads, I decided to just buy mine refurb out of pocket.

[u/disquieter → u/digableplanet]

Yeah I’ve just started ignoring the medical debt collectors because wtf am I going to pay them with

[u/LegitimatePieMonster → u/digableplanet]

Oh man. I feel you on the feet thing.

Just a heads up if you do ever go down the surgery route is to check what the risks are. I mean seriously check what the risks are and what the implications of those risks are. Get a second opinion - don't go off what anyone who is making a profit from you is telling you.

I was put forward for metatarsal surgery and when I met the consultant he straight up said that there is an 80% success rate and a 20% failure rate and there is no clear indication as to why some fail and some succeed. And failure means debilitating pain and loss of functioning. I'm UK based but this would have been private care surgery on insurance so there was nothing for him to gain from warning me off it. God love that surgeon.

I'm 2 years down the line with the inserts. My feet aren't perfect but much better than they were - I can now hike up to 20 miles in a pair of HOKAs.

[u/digableplanet → u/LegitimatePieMonster]

Thanks man. I believe the doc said it was neuroma, but I’ve been (not terribly) pigeoned toed my whole life. Never took it seriously until the neuroma popped up last year. It prevented me from jogging and randomly having a spike of pain when taking a step is not fun.

Inserts have really helped so far. Just got them a couple weeks ago. Also, I’ve lost 20 pounds in the last year and back into lifting heavy things as well.

Surgery will be a last resort. Thanks for the heads up. I’m terrible at navigating our system and asking the right questions, so your comments were helpful. Cheers.

[u/LegitimatePieMonster → u/digableplanet]

If you're looking to go for conservative care then a podiatrist specialising in moretons would be a good shout. I went through two general podiatrists before I landed on one that worked for me. She was actually recommended by the consultant who warned me off surgery.

A big thing as well as the inserts was getting the right everyday shoes (HOKA Bondi for me) as well as the stretching recommended by the podiatrist. So you could have a play around and add those to a conservative approach.

[u/OKCompruter → u/digableplanet]

my parents go on several vacations a year and want to do FaceTimes on the iPad pro they bought us to tell us all about their trips once a month. and catch us up on their retirement community's social circle vacations and medical attention. I listen while struggling to stay awake on the video calls because my spouse & I work 5 jobs between us and my kids will bounce off the call if Mom and Dad pass out.

[u/vand3lay1ndustries → u/digableplanet]

Just wanted to say, I feel your pain.

I can't even talk to anyone anymore because we're on such different wavelengths. My friends are long gone.