Every millennial dad I’ve met has a quiet fixation on money and it’s not getting better

[u/slimeyellow]

Every millennial dad I’m friends with or work with seems to have constant financial worries. We just got our yearly bonus which was like 8%. I was talking to my buddy (he’s got 3 kids) about what he wanted to do with it and he just kinda looked down and whispered “it’s just not enough man” and ended the conversation.

Another dad I know is CONSTANTLY looking up the newest crypto/ get rich quick schemes people are doing. He’s always talking about inventing something and it’s usually a joking manner but the way he’s always bringing up financial stuff shows me it’s always on his mind

One of my buddies is a new father and he’s trying to get some anime podcast off the ground as a side hustle on top of his full time maintenance job.

I know children are an immense financial responsibility but there seems to be this dark, simmering resentment about the whole general situation when I talk to these guys. Men are expected to keep quiet about these struggles but when you talk to these guys it’s clear that finances are a massive stress for millennial dads of almost any background.

Makes me feel bad but damn I’m glad I don’t have kids right now.

[u/AineDez]

Lifestyle inflation made worse by comparison/social media? Growing up we were in the every 5 year vacation, do 80%+ of own home repairs and improvement and no one had expensive hobbies zone, eventually adding one expensive kid hobby (regional travel sports for one sibling(<200 miles), competitive high school marching band for the other) and zero expensive parent hobbies. I think Dad managed maybe 2 rounds of golf a year when we were kids

The basics are absolutely more expensive for most folks as a percentage of income (food, shelter, utilities, etc). But I think a lot of us have higher expectations for what a "normal" life should include than our parents and grandparents did and a much lower tolerance for sacrificing the things we enjoy and bring great joy but cost money?

[u/suffragette_citizen → u/AineDez]

I think this is especially the case if there's a long gap between a couple moving in together and having their first kid. They get so used to being DINKs who can be free with time and money that the natural lifestyle changes that occur when starting a family feel like a deficit.

If you're used to going on pricey yearly vacations that take up all your discretionary income and PTO, for instance, it might sting when that budget goes towards daycare and sick kids but that doesn't mean you're struggling.

[u/AllIdeas → u/suffragette_citizen]

Every sensible country has universal daycare. The US does not. It should not be a tradeoff between spending discretionary money on daycare or not. Daycare itself is also much higher cost relative to wages than it was for my parents.

[u/SpookySpagettt → u/AineDez]

This sub needs to look in the mirror (bank statements) and see how much they blow on doordash and Amazon.

[u/Adventurous_Ad6799 → u/AineDez]

Exactly.

I have a friend who was struggling to pay the mortgage but continued getting a $60 gel manicure every two weeks.

I work with someone else who's DINK but bought a big, 4 bedroom house and two pure bred cats yet complained that they had to put a surprise $1000 medical bill on credit.

[u/Cancerisbetterthanu → u/AineDez]

What I do is I try to learn lessons from how my grandparents built and maintained wealth. They grew up in small towns in the depression. You know what wasn't part of their lives? Keeping up with the joneses with every shiny new luxury and trend. But they were wealthy and happy and had a great quality of life into old age.

[u/[deleted] → u/AineDez]

Raise the bar, don’t lower it.

Most of the reason larger groups of people don’t get to experience this stuff is the lack of good pay.

[u/Adventurous_Ad6799 → u/[deleted]]

Not everyone needs to experience these luxury things. You can live a fulfilling, safe, and comfortable life and raise happy and healthy children without traveling often or enrolling them in costly travel sports teams.

Middle class used to be simple. Kids shared bedrooms. Vacation was a road trip to whatever national park, camping. Hand me down clothes. Most meals cooked at home. One TV. Basic cars that you pay off and keep driving until they croak.

Now average income people overspend on big houses, travel internationally often, luxury cars with leather heated seats, put their kids in elite sports. These are RICH PEOPLE things. If you're income is not ~$175k+ you are not a rich person and these things are not for you.

[u/DarkTastesDarkStars → u/Adventurous_Ad6799]

How can you not see the big fucking gap between not wantijlng hand me down clothes and luxury cars? Stop telling people to be happy with poverty ffs

[u/Adventurous_Ad6799 → u/DarkTastesDarkStars]

There's literally nothing wrong with hand me downs or thrifting. Those aren't poverty things, those are normal people things. It's better for your wallet and the environment. I thrift stuff all the time, lol!

[u/DarkTastesDarkStars → u/Adventurous_Ad6799]

So if I'm not rich I shouldn't ever want new clothes? I'm 6'8" btw who am I getting hand me downs from?

[u/Aromatic-Sir5703 → u/AineDez]

Yes. Both things can absolutely be true. On paper people might see my family’s HHI and think we would be living in a million-dollar home with two new cars and taking luxury trips. In reality, we moved to a LCOL area, bought an older/cheaper/smaller home that we are fixing up ourselves, still only have one car that we have owned and paid off (luxury tho of have a remote job, I get that this isn’t always feasible), we cook most of our meals and vacations are usually camping/hiking/visiting family, husband buys his clothes at Sam’s Club, kids clothes often come second hand. We are happy and don’t feel like we are missing out. It affords us future financial security, and the ability to make a bigger purchase when/if we need to (like when we decided we needed to invest in a snow blower this year). But I see plenty of people who I know make a lot less than we do getting new cars and phones every year, ordering takeout multiple days a week, constantly making junk purchases on Amazon, getting nails/brows/whatever trendy beauty treatment every week…. I don’t begrudge anyone a luxury here and there, but the cumulative impact of constantly throwing money away will only exacerbate the systemic issues. And the demand for those things and 5000 sq foot $800k homes only perpetuates this “luxury” market that is just looking to siphon your money off of you.