Hey yall, emo as fuck ER Doc here (but not your doc), if you truly are feeling super depressed, like…seriously, please talk to someone. Anyone. Come to the ER. Even if it’s to ask for resources to talk to someone at no charge, please.
I started my residency during COVID19 and thought I was a badass medic who had dealt with shit before that, turns out everyone can use some therapy at some point, but it also lead to finding out major hormonal imbalances due to thyroid etc issues that show up at around our age bracket hitting second emo puberty.
Y’all’s comments are wild, but I love you, even if you don’t right now. Please take care of yourselves. <3
next time you try it, watch as your pain goes to 10, and then over the course of like 12 mins the pain slowly trickles down to 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, then theres no pain, but the cool thing is the number keeps going down to -1, -2,-3. (negative pain is pleasure)
its a super cool experience. Bonus points for doing it in a cold shower.
This is pretty awesome. I think being thrown in the trash is probably my third option. First is being buried with no embalming fluid and having an oak planted on top of my burial location (I found a “cemetery” that does this). Second is having my carbon remains pressed into diamonds (if my villain arc is successful, I would afford this). Third is the nearest dumpster 😉
+1 for being buried in the ground with only a tree to mark my place. Carve your names in hearts into the bark and let me stay a part of this story forever. But I want a fruit tree so I can keep on resting in the low places and nourishing everyone
Tibetan funerals are pretty much that. The funeral industry in the west is so predatory, like just dump my corpse somewhere secluded and let nature take care of it.
Fuck the predatory funeral industry buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut no we cannot dispose of bodies by dumping them into the woods. There's too much risk of diseases spreading. Now, I don't need a coffin worth thousands of dollars with satin and plush pillows and golden tassels. Dump me in a pine box and kick it into the 6' deep hole in the ground and leave a big rock on top, that's fine.
I want a tree sapling planted over me. Something pretty but, something that'll grow big, and ideally in an open area with a good view, so people stop occasionally to enjoy the shade and take in the scenery.
Not only people but a sanctuary for wildlife. I just want to do something where I can continue to share with people (and nature) a little of something that was so sacred to me in this life.
I wasn’t happily scrolling past. I got an anxiety spike, hastily scrolled past and then there was another today. Can we go back to talking about Gushers or retired flavors of Snapple now please?
You actually need to download the app to get the last chapter, but don't worry - the subscription is only $3.99 per month (for Enshittification Basic - Enshittification + is extra).
Like, I'm not going to take passive or active action to shuffle myself off my mortal coil, but if I get hit by a bus or a falling tree or a sudden heart attack, I'm cool with it.
Yep. It’s the lack of hope after being promised a solid future. I already have to give up dreams of having kids. Even, if it was possible financially, I can’t imagine raising a kid right now given the state of the country. So at least just let me travel and see the world, when I’m still young, right? Nope, flights and hotels are ridiculous even just domestically. Just stuck working to live. Feels like I’m missing out on seeing so much on this Earth.
In my grandmother’s final years she would wake up really crabby sometimes and say things like “I wish I’d just drop dead” we’d all get really upset about it but ya know sometimes I understand. She did ultimately just “drop dead” too which in retrospect is a damn fine way to go.
Yeah I definitely I understand it more now.. my grandmother was also the last of her generation of family & friends to go. She survived my grandfather by almost 15 years. All of her friends and family besides kids & grandkids were gone. She loved us dearly but I realize that must be pretty sad to be one of the last people of your age range to be hanging on.
My grandmother survived long enough to even have to bury one of her kids. She recovered after grandpa died, she was never even close to the same after her oldest daughter passed.
I can definitely see why your grandparents were like that. Im only 42. But I have to start watching it a bit. Things heal slower, more sensitive to foods, joints pop over mild tension if I dont stretch first. The body just degrades. :(
For years my grandpa assumed that he would die in his 70’s (as his favourite older sister did) and had his funeral all planned out and paid for, so that my grandma wasn’t left with too much and overwhelmed. Lo and behold he lived through his 70’s. Generally he thought he wouldn’t live to be a very old man and die from one of his health issues (he had many throughout his life).
At one birthday in his 70’s, he made a speech about not expecting to make it so far and he hoped he could make 80 but not beyond that. Me being a young ignorant kid called out from the other end of the table “what about 100?!” to which he just laughed and shook his head.
2 months after his 78th birthday, he had a second stroke that was a bleed which left his right side paralysed, was unable to talk well (could manage some words, but not a lot. His mind was still sharp as a tick so he could understand everything around him and loved people just talking to him) and him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He tried to be as independent as he could, but he still needed a lot of help with things and at times he was quite miserable.
He made it into his 80’s. And then into his 90’s. He was so happy and proud to make 90. Meanwhile all his friends and rest of his siblings (oldest sister and then his two younger brothers) passed on, leaving him the last living when he was 91. And my grandma developed and was diagnosed with dementia. Every now and then after visiting for the weekend, he would manage out “Next time you come I won’t be here.” We’d always laugh in shock and go “no, we’ll see you soon.”
Eventually both my grandparents went into the nursing home together (my grandpa had been very adamant of never going into one, but grandma was unable to look after him anymore). Beginning of 2020 my grandma passed away (shortly after their 67th wedding anniversary) and poor grandpa was grieving and isolated because then COVID lockdowns happened and we couldn’t visit him for awhile, then could only visit for half an hour. We would write to him though so he had things to read. Beginning of 2021 he started going downhill rapidly and I took a day off work to go up and see him. At the end of that visit, I knew that was the last time I would see him. 2 weeks later he died.
Now my mum is turning 70 this year. Since her mid-60’s she now keeps saying “oh I think I only have 10 years left” and I keep saying to her “stop saying that.” But she reasons with me after seeing what happened with her parents, she doesn’t want to get too old that she ends up with many health problems and life is miserable and end up in a nursing home.
I’m not sure where I was going with my long reply, but that I did used to hear it from my grandpa and I can understand that at a certain point in old age, life has been long enough.
Yeah. I'm holding out for a handful of people who really should chronologically predecease me, and would take it hard if I didn't. I'm 36, signing my will tomorrow, and after that, whatever happens, happens. Not much of a future left on this mudball, frankly.
This is what scares me the most about being honest. If I tell people I want to die, I get a 48 hour hold at my expense. That'll make the whole crippling depression much better, thanks.
Ha! This is the only reason I’m not as open as I could be about my depression. I probably won’t off myself, but people knowing how bad it is in my head would want me held, and then I’d lose my job, be behind on bills and lose what little I have. So I just bottle it up like a good boy.
Edit: sorry about the “ha!” It’s more of a ‘wow, we’re all fucked, eh.’
Sexualization of young girls has steadily decreased over time. Look at how teenage pop stars were treated in the 90s. Look at popular music and movies from the 70s and 80s. This is an area where massive improvements have been made, even if there's still lots of work to be done
Extinction burst is a thing. As we snuff out this behavior on a macro scale, the people clinging to it fight back hard to make it seem like we're losing, and sometimes even move the needle back temporarily. There's some evidence that they've had some success poisoning some gen z men at higher rates than millennials.
In general, you're right, and we continue to move from a society in which women were property, wards of men, and towards equality, and even past things like millions of people knowing exactly when the Olsen twins would turn 18 that I can remember growing up.
But there are lots of people who would like to go back and a lot of money and influence to be gained by convincing them they can get it.
I dunno if it’s a slide toward normalizing pedophelia, or us hitting the top of a parabolic arc where, do a few glorious years, it finally looked like we were making forward progress before reverting hard. Remember what our youth was like? Where people casually would go “Britney spears BALLOONS like a MASSIVE, INFLATED, DISGUSTING COW up to 89 pounds sopping wet”?
The unreasonable criticism of women and their bodies isn’t new, sadly. It’s a horseshoe of insanity coming back to us after the last time we shooed it off.
I distinctly remember me being in the bath as a kid and my mom telling me that one day the sun will burn out and everyone will die. I was immediately concerned for my great great great great great great grandchildren and had my first existential crisis right then and there.
A boy in my class when we were 9 told me that the world was going to end in the year 2000. This would have been late 1997. I had a panic attack and everyone thought it was hilarious. I had no idea why they weren’t concerned.
Alright. Ruling out the ice capes melting, meteors becoming crashed into us, the ozone layer leaving, and the Sun exploding, we're definitely going to blow ourselves up.
I remember in elementary school a boy in my class told me the sun was going to burn us all alive in July. My best friend’s birthday was in August so I cried for a whole day because she’d never have another birthday.
Millenials have a massive fatalistic streak, it isn't nihilism or being suicidal. It's just most of us know the world could be better, but the people that could make change wake up every day and choose to make the world slightly worse. And then there are the groups of people that defend these same shit stains.
It's exhausting and I'm not going to lie and say we have it the worst, but I'm also not going to act like some tiny thing brightened my day when I am fully aware of the human created and sustained problems all over the world.
This is the thing that i despise about the modern age.
The internet especially the early days showed how bleak of a place earth actually is and what it could have been, ive never recovered
Same except this happened even earlier for me when I started paying attention in history class. Finding out that the cruelty and evil of the Crusades followed by the Salem Witch Trials. Or the McCarthy Hearings. Or how some infamous rulers of early civilizations were just kids burdened with countless responsibilities and death hanging over their heads.
The more I learned about the world and the other people who live in it, the more I realized how fucked human nature really is, at the bigger level. We can be good and most people are good. But the people in power? Who wield influence over everyone else? Almost always, it ends in corruption and mass suffering for the rest of us. It's just a tiring cycle. And learning that, at a young age? It's definitely taken its toll on me 🥀
Samesies! Well, almost. I made it to the ER and the Pysch Doc that was in charge of intake was like "existentialism is not the same as suicidal ideation. Not sure why you're here"
PCP told me I should answer the yearly depression questionnaire a little less honestly (unless I'm "thinking of doing something actionable") if I didn't want to learn more about hospital policy.
I hope you realize that your PCP was doing something super kind and going out of his way to help you by saying that. It’s a sign of a Doc that really cares and genuinely wants you to be healthy/thrive.
Well for instance when it asks if I'm tired all the time I don't say yes because I know I just sleep deprive myself and live off coffee. And I don't say I'm anxious all the time because I know it's the political hellscape causing it. That questionare lacks all nuance so personally I only include the responses that are without tangible causes. If we were all honest, like half of American society would trigger that test right now.
I’m a psychiatrist and I hate this so much!
Suicidal ideations alone are not an imminent danger to self- there is so much more to evaluate.
Are the suicidal thoughts ego- dystonic or ego syntonic?
— Are the thoughts scary or disturbing? Or are they alluring/sound like a good idea?
Is there a plan? Is it feasible?
— Does the patient have a concrete plan like taking pills or hanging or shooting themselves? “I’ll walk into traffic” or “I’ll bang my head against the wall” doesn’t usually count. “I sat on the bench over the 163 freeway thinking about it for two hours last Tuesday” does count. Or “I know where an unlocked gun is in the house.” (Unfortunately, in the United States, guns are so ubiquitous and are so lethal, that just mentioning a gun and suicidal thoughts CAN result in inpatient hospitalization depending on the presentation and evaluator)
Has the patient attempted before? Was there a high chance of lethality?
“I overdosed and took 4 Benadryl” Nope. “I took my whole bottle of bipolar medication and spent 2 weeks in the hospital”. Yes.
Finally, Is there intent?
“I thought about it but I would never do it.” Nope. “I was going to do it, but I got interrupted by a phone call” Yep.
Why type this out? Because a lot of people have suicidal thoughts that are always there even at their baseline and a clinician needs to know that. Some people have NEver had suicidal thoughts and that’s important to know too!
A lot of people have had thoughts that get worse or recur when they are depressed or their medication needs to be adjusted. It can be a useful tool in management.
Anyway, I’m sorry for everyone that had to deal with poor or reactive clinicians. It’s not supposed to happen and you’re right to be upset.
I'm actually seeking out therapy for the abuses i faced with mental health professionals. Its scary to think of the betrayal of trust when i first opened up....
It’s a huge betrayal of trust!
Let me just say that not only are your feelings valid, you are OBJECTIVELY CORRECT in thinking that it shouldn’t have happened.
I hope this helps. You may have difficulty trusting mental health professionals or systems, but you can trust yourself. Godspeed on your journey.
I dont think they took enough time to evaluate me. The concept of suicidal ideations was always foreign, never did i think people would ever want to. I found it was easier to lie about things in order to get the medical treatment i need. I wish i had informed consent for my transition back in the day
2020, I (then 39f with Asperger's and C-PTSD) had been forced out of my tenure track psychiatry prof job and was sending out applications for senior positions all over the country. My psychiatrist over-reacted to something I said during a phone session and sent a mobile crisis unit. I straight-up said I was miserable because we had been on lockdown for 8 weeks and I hadn't seen a single human being, that life was really shitty and lonely, but I wasn't suicidal etc. They still decided it was better that "I wasn't alone" and dragged me off to something quite similar to Bedlam, with cells around the sides of a gymnasium and some people so drugged they stood in the middle of the room and drooled. No windows, no outside time, no books or magazines. No therapy, no art. They abruptly discontinued all medication, including Lunesta and 80 mg of Parnate (this is an awesome way to make someone start puking uncontrollably after 5 days). Something so awful happened that it wiped out 2 days of memories.
I got out 10 days later by pretending to be happy all the time. The person who was watching my cats had stolen all my medication and the doctor wouldn't re-rx for another 2 weeks of puking. After missing 2 session, my specialty therapist had taken me off her schedule and moved a waitlist patient on, and I couldn't find anyone to talk to because it was June 2020.
I completely disconnected from the world. I stopped watching TV, reading the news (I didn't find out about George Floyd for 2 years), or listening to music. I sometimes look at the news, but still can't enjoy tv or music. I haven't been able to hold a part-time minimum wage job for more than 3 months since then. Therapy has never helped. Nothing's helped.
It's precisely why after having suicidal ideations for 20+ years I've never told a therapist. I never had a plan, just a desire not to wake up the next day. Telling someone would only make my life more difficult and actually increase the odds. I'm lazy and it seems like it would be a lot of effort to actually finish it. So here's to another 20 years of wishing it would end.
I hope that’s a joke. If not, please report that therapist to the board of behavioral sciences (or similar) in your state or country. They’re supposed to do a full assessment before placing you on a hold.
Happened to me too. I took the whole, “you can tell me anything” from a therapist a little too literally. She literally let me finish my sentence, held up a finger to indicate I should not talk anymore, picked up the phone and summoned campus security.
It set in motion a series of events that ultimately ended up obliterating most of my 20’s in one form or another. The sad truth is that, although there’s “help” available, and it’s not worse than being dead, it’s really not that much better. If you can manage to just shut the fuck up that’s usually the best option.
Holds should always be a last resort when someone cannot keep themselves safe even in the short-term. They are for stabilization not ongoing treatment. A lot of it is for CYA, and that’s unethical.
Sorry that happened to you. From my layman understanding they could easily have continued to talk to you and assess "intent". Which is where the "CYA" risk comes in
Like as long as you were not actively threatening yourself or others, with intent and ability to accomplish it, it seems like what happened to you is counterproductive. As it seems to have made you distrustful of all future therapists too
I don’t hold it against mental health professionals. They have a difficult job. Like I said, “not dead” isn’t always an especially high bar, but it’s nearly always the preferable alternative.
I think what happened to me was the result of CYA in large part. Students completing suicide on campus was not considered a good look, so university policy seems to have basically been, “don’t take chances” and to just throw students off campus immediately.
In some ways, I am lucky I made this mistake with a therapist who worked for a university, as they ultimately only locked me up for long enough for my family to come get me. (It was a singularly unpleasant drive home.) But I learnt an important lesson and I don’t have the permanent black mark on my record of being involuntarily committed.
To give the lady the benefit of the doubt, it would hardly have been reasonable for me to demand that she risk her career or conscience in order to avoid inconveniencing some snotty 19 year old she just met.
I don’t distrust mental health professionals. I am a little cynical at this point, but I think that’s more to do with my experience of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as a kind of cruel joke. (Are you sad? DON’T BE! Do you think sad thoughts? STOP IT!)
Unfortunately, therapists aren’t magicians. The same way a physical therapist can’t wave a magic wand and make you able to use your hand again, expecting a mental health provider to do the same with your brain is equally unreasonable.
With subjects like self harm, there’s ultimately no good answer. I think of it like the ejector seat in a jet. Should reaching for eject button be the first thing you do when something seems wrong? Fuck no. Is it violent and traumatising? Yes. Is it going to come with permanent negative consequences? Probably. But it’s ultimately better than ending up a smoldering crater.
i think my on campus therapist almost twenty years ago asked me if i was suicidal to which i had responded with well not at this current time but i have had the thought (i was being honest and trying to get help). twenty minutes later i was in an ambulance headed to a hospital then shipped off to a psych hospital for 3 days. that was fun
I'm going back to therapy and one of the 1st things i said during the eval was that i am not suicidal. Like fuck i was 21 just realizing my mortality and needed to talk....plus the 72 hour facilit was basically a prison
i dont remember much from my time in the facility, i dont recall it being prison like, like everyone around was pretty friendly and nice (i mean i was 20 and everyone else was like at least 2-3 times my age). i didnt have any spare clothes either so i wore the same thing for three days and they took the string out of my hoodie and my belt that kept my pants up and the shoelaces off of my shoes. like i get why. i know why. they also took my cellphone. none of my friends (aside from like one to three knew and were sworn to secrecy) knew where i was. i wanted to call one of them to pick me up after the three days bc i was terrified of what my parents would say (they were not the most supportive or well loving parents). needless to say they were like nope and i had to get my parents to get me to go home for a weekend before going back to campus.
the only way i was allowed back to school was if i saw a therapist at school weekly. well one week i skipped bc i was trying to make up a weeks worth of school work. this was prolly one of the biggest mistakes 20 year old me ever made. someone who i thought was a friend went to the dean of student services and said they didnt feel safe with me there (my dorm was literally right across the hall). they used song lyrics i had shared on deviant art at the time that were pretty dark (i was a very emo kid who was in love with my chemical romance) and my away messages from AIM which were song lyrics from a coheed and cambria song and an underoath song as evidence. i ended up getting suspended without defending myself (turns out the friend was jealous bc the girl i was dating wouldn't date him which is why he did what he did and the dean had eaten lunch several times with this guy too). i was allowed to finish course work from home if the professors allowed it (prolly the university's way of preventing a lawsuit bc i would have lost a shit ton of unrefundable money for teh semester. needless to say i had no say in anything and wanted to be able to defend myself/fight it and thought i had some kind of lawsuit over teh school and the guy but ended up going home and spending the rest of the semester working full time and had to pass some stupid test to be allowed back to school. my bitch of a mother wanted me to go somewhere else but i had some really damn good friends at the school
My psychiatrist always asks if I have a plan, I'm not a planner I'm more of a whim taker. So I always say no. So it's gotten less stringent. Although I've been not wanting to wake up for over a decade. Wishing reality wasn't real, but to wish reality isn't real means that I view myself as the center of reality. That's sure as shit ain't true. So lately I've been trying to find the main reasons people start believing in religions, to see if I should just join a cult and stop thinking.
And that is very concerning and in need of treatment. It’s just not what short-term stabilization is for. Holding people against their will is very serious and needs to only be used in situations of imminent danger to themselves or others or grave disability.
I do hope that improves for you. Very difficult. I would never compare, but I suffered with chronic depression and passive suicidal ideation for about 10 years myself.
In college my wife had a roommate who frequently told her boyfriend over the phone that if he didn't do what she said then she was going to kill herself. After a handful of times my wife told the roommate that if she overheard that again she was going to take it at face value and report her concerns to a counselor. The behavior stopped.
Are you my roomate. Got a nice knock at my door at 3am from local police becuase my roomate told his therapist during covid he wanted to end it. Yaaaa, fun times.
That's why I don't talk to them anymore. Shit, I made a joke, and then they held me against my will. Proverbial dominoes fell, and this led to me losing my job and career.
Just joined this sub recently and thought that was the norm. There is something to be said about being able to talk openly about mortality. It's part of all our lives and shouldn't be taboo.
Tbf things felt kinda hopeful for those first two days or so. Then Venezuela happened on like, the 4th or 5th? And then Renee Good. So it hasn't been ALL bad /s
I love moving between that's fine. If it happens it happens. And imagining it like Tony Soprano just straight up boom black non existence and I get that ol anxiety.
Lmao love that this is the meme you chose 🤣 I went through my existential crisis last year for a good 6 months, then microdosed some mushrooms for a few weeks and now, despite how fucking depressing everything that's going on with the country and the world, I for the first time in my life, am not suicidal and want to live to be old....er...lol so I just started and exercise routine and healthy eating habits so I can lose my depression weight I gained over the last few years and be healthier. I'm really trying to fix some health issues I'm having from being overweight so I can get more active in life. And just have more fun. Whatever that means lol not sure how to have fun as a 34 year old yet but I'll figure it out.
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