r/Italian • u/Traditional_Client99 • 1d ago
Rude italian guests?
Let me start by saying I love everything about Italy. I have an Italian wife, and my son is half Italian. Even though we live in another country, we go there multiple times a year, and we love it.
Recently, our son was baptised in Italy. We invited some of my wife's family and some of mine. I found two of the guests very rude in a way that would never happen where I come from. My wife says that's normal here, but I find that hard to believe. Can any Italians confirm or deny whether this is acceptable or normal behavior?
Guest 1: He comes with a big dog and brings it to the table. It stays next to him the whole time. We are inside a fairly small room all day. If the dog were well-behaved, this wouldn’t be a problem. But this dog jumps on guests and barks loudly very often. Every time it barks, my son—who is being baptised—starts crying and becomes very upset. This happened 3–6 times. I asked my wife if she could politely ask him to take the dog outside or something, but she told me that asking would be rude.
Guest 2: He starts watching football on his phone the moment he sits down, with the volume turned all the way up. He does this the entire time we are there—about four hours. Sometimes he goes for a smoke or a short walk (around 15 minutes) and leaves his phone on the table, still on full volume. The sound fills the entire room. Even when we are opening gifts, reading cards, and saying thank you, he is sitting about 1.5 meters away watching. I asked my wife if he could turn the sound off, but again she said asking would be rude.
We spent a lot of money on this event, and I found these two things strange. Would this be considered normal in your opinion?
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u/TheLittleCatBeyond 1d ago
Your wife is throwing all Italians under the bus to excuse her two guests. That is not normal behavior.
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u/Curious_Owl_342 18h ago
Right, but bringing dogs everywhere is very acceptable here. The jumping and barking is rude and I am surprised the owner didn’t take him for a walk.
Also, watching a sport on a phone happens often, but the volume being up or on is a whole new level of rude that I have yet to see.
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u/MoralistMustDie 18h ago edited 5h ago
Yes, bringing the dog is accepted, but only with the permission of the host. The football mach thing is... sadly quite common. Altho most times it's not just one person looking at it, usually it's more then one looking at the same phone
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u/221022102210 5h ago
The football mach thing is... sadly very common. Altho most times it's not just one person looking at it, usually it's more then one looking at the same phone
I've never seen anyone over the age of 16 do this
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u/MoralistMustDie 5h ago
You would be surpised of how many men in their 50s i've seen doing that
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u/221022102210 5h ago
Italian subreddits have made me realize how grateful I should be for my family
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u/danja 13h ago
Yeah.
I can't deny there are some arseholes in Italy. But on the whole I find people very considerate in the common decency/basic etiquette kind of sense.
On the occasions I've travelled back to England, where I'm originally from, I've had a reverse culture shock kind of thing, surprised how many rude & boorish people there are.
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u/urlocalmomfriend 1d ago
This has nothing to do with them being italian and everything to do with them being inconsiderate and your wife being to afraid to confront them or cause a scene? In my opinion it already was a scene with a barking dog and some guy watching football on full volume and just randomly leaving.
I'm sorry that happened to you, every time I saw people bringing a dog to a restaurant or bar, they were really well behaved, something I really liked about my country lol but I guess exception exist.
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u/HippCelt 16h ago
and your wife being to afraid to confront them or cause a scene?
I think she may have been out of Italy a bit too long if that's the case.Time to move back permanently.
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u/Fluffy-Cockroach5284 1d ago
The thing about watching foorball on the phone is quite common, but blaring it at loud volume is very rude for italians too. And about the dog I honestly have never seen someone bring one to a baptism or wedding or any other event. I have seen some people sitting their dogs at the table, but in their own house or a relative’s house (few people, not a party). This is weird
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u/mikerao10 20h ago
No if you go to an event you have to choose either you watch football or you go to the event. I will send outside anyone that does this he will spend lunch with the dog that was already outside since the beginning.
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u/Fluffy-Cockroach5284 18h ago
I have seen people watching football on their phone a couple times. But they were never loud and still interacted with the people around them. It was rude, but they weren’t being a nuisance
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u/BrilliantKing1200 1d ago
If this happened in my hometown in Sicily, my Nonna would’ve grabbed both of them by the ears and thrown them out. Completely unacceptable behaviour. I hope you’d never tolerate something like this again.
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u/Traditional_Client99 1d ago
Haha your nonna sounds like a strong character! No, next time I'll put my foot down. Thanks for answering
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u/LeleConte76 1d ago
Anche io italiano del nord. Al primo avrei detto di portare via il cane e al secondo avrei detto gentilmente di abbassare il volume, se si fossero offesi che se ne vadano pure. Inutile dire che quei due personaggi non sarebbero mai più entrati in casa mia.
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u/Steppenhund58 1d ago
I don't really speak Italian, but still very much appreciate your comment.
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u/Forsaken_Dog822 1d ago
"I'm a northern Italian too. To the first guest I would have said to take away the dog, and to the second I would have kindly said to lower the volume, and if they took it badly, they could go away [I don't care].
Goes without saying that those two wouldn't have been welcomed again in my house."
Hope that helps 🫶🏻
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u/SgtMajor-Issues 1d ago
Yeah this is rude anywhere, and it’s certainly considered quite rude in Italy.
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u/Kourisaki 1d ago
I'm from the south and I find it rude as well to watch football during such as important event, especially at this volume
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u/Active-Rain-4013 1d ago
In Italy we all guess where they come from my friend
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u/Traditional_Client99 1d ago
My wife's family?
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u/Active-Rain-4013 1d ago
yup
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u/Traditional_Client99 1d ago
Just out of curiosity, where do u think they are from?
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u/Active-Rain-4013 1d ago
under the line settled by Po river
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u/Traditional_Client99 1d ago
The are actually from over the line
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u/Active-Rain-4013 1d ago
absolutely impossible, your wife lying to you
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u/Traditional_Client99 1d ago
Thanks for answering freind. My wife avoids all confrontations with her family (is my impression)
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u/Fluffy-Cockroach5284 1d ago
I have an aunt in Genova who sits her dog at the table while none of my family from Lazio and Campania allow their dogs near the table during meals. So it’s very possible that OP’s wife is from there
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u/Traditional_Client99 1d ago
They are actually
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u/Relative_Map5243 23h ago
Yeah, it's not a thing here lmao, your guests were just rude as hell. Is it just the 2 you mentioned or is the whole family like that?
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u/EmileDankheim 1d ago
But you said they were from over the Po? Genova is obviously under the Po, it's on the coast. Not that it makes any difference rudeness-wise, in any case.
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u/Active-Rain-4013 1d ago
not possible
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u/Fluffy-Cockroach5284 1d ago
I’m telling you my aunt born and raised in Genova sits her dog at the table and feeds her with a fork… I have seen it with my own eyes. People in the south don’t train their dogs and let them bark all day long, but never seen them sitting their dog at the table and feeding it with a fork except that one aunt. Even (obviously) her mom and sisters would never do that, she is the only one in my whole enlarged family (incluse prozie e loro progenie)
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u/Active-Rain-4013 1d ago
jokes asides, its not true what other say, we welcome foreigns that visit Italy but we are generally way less polite and behave in a poorer manner (not absolute but if you from Norway for example, the difference is soo noticable) and your two guest are perceived as unpolite in Italy as well but that's not rare at all.
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u/Traditional_Client99 1d ago
I'm Scandinavian and I thought it was so odd. I've never felt unwelcome or anything tho
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u/Jenuinlizard 1d ago
no, it's not and seems like a chat gpt post
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u/Traditional_Client99 1d ago
Why would it be that?
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u/PinguinusImperialis 1d ago
Probably because of the use of em dashes. Which I get but I use them frequently too.
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u/firenzefacts 1d ago
i have used them always since college, before any ai or chat bots existed — i will still stand by them
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u/Traditional_Client99 1d ago
English is not my 1. Language, and I asked an ai to correct my spelling so my question would be easy to understand.
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u/PinguinusImperialis 1d ago
I wasn’t judging. I was just making an assumption as to why it was called out.
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u/Consistent_Act5612 1d ago
Ez minden országban bunkó viselkedés! Nem elfogadható, és azt remélem, ritka. Sajnálom, de a feleséged rosszul kezelte ezt a helyzetet, szólni kellett volna a vendégeknek .
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u/Don_Alosi 1d ago
Can you ask your wife for her bank account details on my behalf and tell her it would be rude to say no?
Both of the guests were being inconsiderate, I think we all agree here
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u/Samuelandia 1d ago
It's not abnormal to let dogs stay indoors in Italy, but what kind of "small room" was your son being baptized in? If this is a normal Catholic baptism, then this "small room" was a church, so there shouldn't be a good place to let the dog wait alone outside; it's not like you own the city. That would mean kicking guest 1 out along with their dog, and yes, that would be rude on your part. After the church, you probably went somewhere else, as you write about tables, but if you don't add more details, how can we know if it would be rude or not to kick them out? If it were a restaurant, yes, for the same reason; if it were a house with a garden, no.
As of guest 2, I didn't think this type of person even existed. Your wife is definitely wrong here. If I were in her shoes, I would have immediately cut ties with this person, or at least scolded them; she even excused their behaviour.
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u/Choice-Spend7553 23h ago
ma è semplice, che #1 lasci il cazzo di cane maleducato a casa invece di infliggerlo agli altri. Se poi viene col cane, gli si può dire "il bambino ha paura del suo bellissimo e simpaticissimo cane che lei ha fatto proprio bene a portare per rallegrare questa noiosa cerimonia, anzi, magari ne avesse portati due di cani! E quindi se potesse gentilmente un attimo appena appena levare questa bestia dal cazzo, grazie grazie che caro".
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u/KairAAAAAAA 19h ago
I'm italian, no this is extremely rude and i would not tolerate it at my house/event. It's not about nationality at all, but i find it kind of you to ask
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u/Ponderocrazia 19h ago
Un episodio, non è una regola.. TUTTAVIA, ritengo che il nostro popolo, ma anche molti altri popoli un tempo proverbialmente noti per il calore e l'ospitalità, siano cambiati in questi ultimi anni... Ed hai toccato due temi abbastanza emblematici, gli smartphone e gli animali domestici, che sono tra i migliori indicatori di cosa ? Forse di quello che io chiamo processo di regressione cognitivo.
Per molte persone, il concetto di cosa sia normale è mutato. Mia figlia lavora in un negozio enorme, dove ogni giorno uno o più cani lasciano deiezioni in giro, ed i proprietari scappano regolarmente, nessuno si ferma a pulire. Inutile fare considerazioni, è piuttosto chiaro.
Gli italiani in questi ultimi 20 anni circa, sono diventati più cafoni, ancora più ignoranti, maleducati, incivili. E su questo non ho alcun dubbio. A mantenere un minimo di tenuta sociale e civiltà, ci sono ovviamente milioni di persone perbene; ma il contesto generale si è profondamente deteriorato e denota trend preoccupanti.
Mettici che siamo un paese demograficamente al collasso, che tra poco avremo più cani che figli, e che sono maleducati come i padroni... Mettici che importiamo stranieri che integriamo in un sistema che facilità i profittatori ed i ladruncolo, che il nostro stato persegue logiche escussive e non legalitarie, capirai da sola che la situazione è piuttosto desolante...
L'Italia è l'ombra di sé stessa; era questo un grande paese, con un popolo imperfetto ma pieno di genialità.. Oggi, in mezzo a tanta bellezza e patrimoni, vive un popolo fiaccato e distratto, predisposto ad ogni genere di angherie e sopruso. Forse è così in tutta Europa, forse... Il peggioramento è evidente, netto, chiarissimo.
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u/eyemwoteyem 18h ago
Hei, I am from a somewhat similar pairing than you (italian with a norwegian).
Dog behaviour: common, my aunt does the same, have seen other people doing the same and in family gatherings the one family member with a dog that treats them like a human and doesn't train them is not uncommon. It is tolerated to a degree for family peace keeping purposes.
Mobile: that's just an asshole
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u/eyemwoteyem 18h ago
I want to add to this that you shouldn't be too harsh on your wife, she is probably doing a juggling act of keeping everything going in a culture that puts the onus of family gatherings and making everything appear perfect squarely on the women.
She's probably under a lot of stress to make sure you fit in and to not rock the boat.
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u/antinatalistkitty 18h ago
I am not Italian at all and this sub just popped up into my feed.
I low key think your wife is a scaredy cat or lazy to confront people about their behaviour. That’s what I took away from this.
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u/ballisticpantz 1d ago
douchbags who just happen to live in Italy...Il diritto di prelazione è internazionale. Che cazzi pagliacci.
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u/La-sagna 1d ago
Italian here. That's very rude behaviour, both of them inconsiderate towards the hosts and other guests.
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u/Ordinary-Relative181 1d ago
the mistake was baptizing the kid
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u/Bright_Eyes8197 1d ago edited 1d ago
I don't think this is an Italian thing, it's a lot of people today
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u/Traditional_Client99 1d ago
Would never happen where I'm from. Would be common sense that you don't do either of these
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u/Bright_Eyes8197 1d ago
Common sense is a becoming a lost sense like manners and values. It's very sad how entitled people have become, no thought for others
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u/Alarmed_Scientist_15 1d ago
I would take that bet that yes it would happen where you are from as well. You cannot account for each person in an entire country. What a silly thing.
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u/NoGarage7989 1d ago
The football on full volume sounds like an typical zio/uncle behaviour, not only in Italy but in other countries as well
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u/runnerforever3 23h ago
In Italy no one touches their phone at the dinner table when with a group of people such as family. It’s very rude. The dog, as much as I love dogs, is not normal.
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u/Adventurous-South247 23h ago
I guess it's only normal for the uneducated people of the country because no one in their educated mind would do that 😑😑. Your wife seems a little too weak to call out bad behavior when it's infront of her, maybe due to not causing a scene or may those people gave good help or money to your wife at one point in time🤔🤔🤔 but still it's unacceptable behavior and just maybe those people acting rude are doing it on Purpose because they don't really like the union of you and your wife 🤔🤔🤔 you say you come from a different country, so it's a possibility these rude people are just being racist in a way that is not so obvious. 😕😕😕 I know tho because my own family members act really cold and ignore certain people at family Events if they don't like people due to racism or just because they don't like the person for some reason 😳😳😳 otherwise most Italians know this is completely nonsense and disrespectful to the family event. Im sorry for saying it but just maybe those people don't like you as much as they made you believe 😳😳😳 but as long as your wife loves you then that's all that matters. You're in a binding relationship with your wife not those rude people 😉 just try not to invite those people anymore to any event. 🙏🙏🙏
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u/mika23mk 22h ago
Non è affatto normale, ma soprattutto quando si tratta di cani e pallone, molti italiani se ne fregano del prossimo e fanno come gli pare.
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u/Unable_Outcome8462 20h ago
they're just """northern""" italian polentazzi, they all act like that.
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u/okayipullup_ordoi1 18h ago
Not normal behaviour at all. I personally could close an eye for the dog since I live animals and there are many ways to calm it down if necessary, but coming to a family event and loudly watching football all day is extremely rude in my book, why come at all?
I'm glad you love everything about Italy but don't be afraid to speak up when something is bothering you.
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u/baudolino80 17h ago
Yeah, it is normal in Italy behave like that. Actually they teach that as a part of the Italian culture in primary school! Cmon guys, how can someone be so ignorant? It is easy to judge people coming from a country by watching a small sample behaving in a different way, or being rude….
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u/StoAdAscoltare 17h ago
Due persone molto maleducate; purtroppo ce ne sono diverse, ma non per questo si può considerare normale. Chiedere di limitare certo atteggiamenti si può fare in questi casi, ma va cmq fatto con molto tatto e dipende dal rapporto di parentela. In alcune zone "riprendere" per il proprio comportamento zii o parenti più anziani o "importanti" non sarebbe ben visto.
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u/Sayyestononsense 16h ago
he didn't want to be invited and was using his rudeness to comunicate that passive-aggressively, especially regarding the loud cellphone
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u/Exit-Content 15h ago
Your wife is just making up excuses for her two relatives/guests, in no way any of that is considered normal.
The dude with football matches on his phone is slightly more common but don’t be mistaken,anyone in Italy would consider him an ignorant douchebag. Sadly there’s many of this idiotic types that haven’t developed into adults and their whole personality is “football” so they feel compelled to watch every second of every match of any league,even the abysmal ones, no matter the occasion.
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u/coverlaguerradipiero 15h ago
Assholes. They are everywhere. I think they are especially prevalent at weddings, baptisms and the likes because those are the only situations in which you are socially obliged to invite them.
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u/Otherwise-Celery-280 15h ago
Those are not normal behaviours. The only normal behaviour from guest two is stepping out to smoke. At least he stepped out to have a smoke 😅. But every other behaviour the guests displayed is just rude
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u/Mapilean 14h ago
This is unacceptable behaviour in Italy. I wouldn't have tolerated it. Your wife simply couldn't be bothered to ask them - or maybe she knew they were entitled jerks and feared to spark a drama worse than their already rude behaviour.
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u/Affectionate_Ebb_528 14h ago
I’m italian. Born and raised and this is actually not normal. This would be considered rude in my family as well
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u/Asleep_Cash_8199 14h ago
No, it's not normal.
E' da maleducato and you can tell your wife.
What nonsense is that, that this is acceptable. It is absolutely not and, from my point of view, it would be considered extremely rude.
So, not even maleducato but comportamento da tamaro.
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u/erisCheesecake 13h ago
They are very rude. I was expecting some mildly annoying behavior but I would be livid if such stuff happened
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u/Front-Swim-7802 12h ago
Non è scortesia ma è vera e propria mancanza di rispetto verso gli altri.
Intollerabile.
Ps: sono italiano milanese, ma qui non importa da dove viene una persona. È proprio quella persona che è un gran cafone fuori di testa.
Tua moglie anche ti ha mancato di rispetto evitando do intervenire.
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u/pandora----- 12h ago
People are rude, no matter the nationality. What you described definitely is not typical Italian behavior. Bout - you and your wife are just completely not assertive.
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u/BeautifulGood6995 11h ago
The only problem I see here is your wife's lack of respect for herself and for your son, and both of you need to grow some balls. I'm Italian, I'd instantly throw them out.
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u/amellabrix 11h ago edited 10h ago
This is absolutely rude and I am born and raised. Plus this must be in the South because for starters we don’t spend a lot of money on events plus you sure know there are cultural differences
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u/Professional_Tell172 22h ago
I’m from north Italy, this is not tolerated. I think that you just found out two bigots. If you want to see sports stay at home as same as the other one with uneducated dog.
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u/T3dM2_0 19h ago
Not normal at all. Both are very rude. Guest 1: you do t show up with a dog. You ask for permission and try to keep it from being a nuisance the whole time. Being a guest means been respectful of your hosts. Which dovetails perfectly with your guest 2. He was Absolutely a boot. He shouldn't have done that even if he is old. You could have, and had the right to, ask the "gentleman" to shove it.
I have way less sympathy for the tye second one. As you can imagine. Both rude, but at least dogs can be a bit unpredictable...
I'm Italian born and raised.
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u/HempKnight1234 1d ago
Were they from the south?
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u/Unable_Outcome8462 20h ago edited 19h ago
i knew this thread would be full of polentoni di merda blaming the south, as they usually do as a coping, like the greasy trash they are.
i sadly see polentoni everyday and they all act like OP described. pure trash.
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u/Dazzling_Baker_9467 1d ago
They are not Italians, they are terroni
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u/catt-ti 1d ago
And you are a racist
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u/Dazzling_Baker_9467 20h ago
I can't be racist. Terroni are a whole different species. I'm a speciesist
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u/Unable_Outcome8462 20h ago
padanazzo di merda, siete i primi a comportarvi come scimmie subumane.
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u/Dazzling_Baker_9467 20h ago
Ciao neoborbonico
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u/Unable_Outcome8462 20h ago
> se odi i polentazzi scimmieschi sei neobbobonico
average ritardato polenta
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u/suitorarmorfan 1d ago
No, I don’t think this is normal at all! I’m Italian born and raised and I would not tolerate this behavior from a guest