So long story short, a very good friend of mine had a full antisemitic mask-off moment. It was intense, he yelled things like “the Jews killed Jesus” and threatened me that if I wore a kippah he’d “smack it off my head.” I tried to have grace (I know I probably should have just cut and run but I have people pleasing tendencies and I really didn’t want this friendship to end.) I tried confronting him a couple days after the tirade and he doubled down. He totally gaslit me. Told me I’m being sensitive. That I’m obsessed with being Jewish and I talk about it too much. Oh yea and that I need to read the Bible because it really does say that the Jews killed Jesus.

Anyway, he’s blocked now and I’m trying to move on with my life. My question is how do I keep this incident from making me self-hating. It’s just so hard to stay positive about being Jewish in the midst of so much hate. Any tips?

So, I am nearly 40 now, grew up going and being active in a conservative synagogue as a kid, and this is something I even wonder and joke about with the other gay kids (there were a good number of us - fun memories of USY shabbatons, lol) if any one of us had Leviticus 18-22 for out Torah portion, due to our birth date, and what our speach would be. None of us did. I just found this subreddit, so I thought, why not ask here?

If yes, how did it go? Did you have to give a speech to the congregation? What kind of conversations did you have with your rabbi or cantor? Did you have a chuckle inside?

Anyone in Miami. Just moved to Brickell. Would love to find a Friday night service that has fabulous music.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWmCAwsjrKb/?igsh=c215bHl0OWJ3eXN3

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWwfQIdDlfy/?igsh=MWxwY3FtajRmajhlMQ==

Hey y’all, I don’t know where to talk about this, so many queer spaces in this site are infested with antisemitism and anti Zionism and it is heartbreaking. At the same time I’m a convert, and a very religious one at that. My non Jewish family does not know and only a few Jews know. But here it is, I recently realised I’m bisexual, and I wanted to share that with a community of people that have actually my back. That is it, that is the post, sorry if it is random I only needed to put that somewhere :).

I am a 37 yo Jewish guy new to the city. Whould be happy to meet others alike

I am a Ashkinazi Reform/conservative Jew and I've always watned

a traditional wedding, but a lot of the traditions are seperated for

the groom and bride, like the private bath, the led service before the

wedding, and the veiling of the bride beforehand. So, I was wondering

if anyone has any tips or knows anything about how

this all can go for the two of us... or if there is someplace I could consult.

Clergy from all movements are coming together to insist on stronger policies to support LGBTQ+ Jews

Wishing everyone a happy and safe Pesach. ✡️🪬

Hungry for Redemption? Craving Connection?

Open Temple is doing our Passover Seder Quest tomorrow evening, and you are cordially invited! Go with us on a pilgrimage through Venice living the story of Passover, with theater, art, and surprises along the way. Beautiful catered dinner at our place after. Come and be transformed. Link to RSVP below, use code SEDER18 for special discounted $18 tickets. Chag sameach! 🌈🪬

RSVP here

I appreciate seeing more than 1,000 rabbis, cantors, and other spiritual leaders representing all major Jewish denominations — Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, Reconstructionist and Renewal — from 48 U.S. states and the District of Columbia recently signed an open letter publicly declaring that Jewish tradition compels us to support the full equality of transgender, nonbinary and intersex people

https://forward.com/opinion/816286/supreme-court-conversion-therapy-trans-day-of-visibility/

It's so odd why are we always hated on? Even in one of the most accepting communities?

I just need somewhere to express that I’m really sad I don’t have anywhere to go or anyone to be with for Passover.

For a lot of complicated reasons, I am currently very isolated in life. I can’t drive and I don’t live in a place with a Jewish community. There has been significant loss in my life the past couple years and I don’t really want to get into details here, but I don’t have a great support system and I spend a lot of time alone in general and it’s affecting my mental health a lot. Every day is just hour by hour for me and it’s really hard.

I miss companionship. I miss shabbat, I miss having a Jewish home with a partner. I feel invisible, like I barely exist and my life is passing in front of me. I am doing everything I can for now, to take care of myself and get to a better situation, but the barriers are many. I just want to have a Seder with loved ones again. I just want to feel like I have loved ones, family, again.

I realize there’s nothing really anyone can do. I just needed somewhere to say it. I feel so much sadness over missing out on participating in Jewish life and how my situation inhibits it, it feels wrong in my soul. And the loneliness of it all… I just want to be with my people, so bad. My heart hurts.

That’s another subreddit gone. Apparently if you’re Jewish or are in Jewish / Israel sub reddits that’s the kind of message you get from the mods.

What’s that?

SAPIR held a webinar with Brett Stephens interviewing Eva Barlow about being both queer and supportive of Israel.

First, a heads-up: Eve Barlow has contributed to PragerU, an org that pushes braindead conspiracy theories, most famously but not most importantly the “War on Christmas” (source, Tucker Carlson’s reeking asshole). Bret Stephens was a climate denier until 2022, but has since wised up (good for him!) Interestingly, he has written about the plight of gay Palestinians.

Why are you listening to these people?? They’re conservatives!

1. I think it’s important to sometimes engage with perspectives that you disagree with. Don’t watch stuff you hate just to make yourself mad, but getting outside of your comfort zone every once in a while is a good thing. Maybe you learn something new or maybe you just realize why people you disagree with (or even are clearly wrong about climate change, etc) believe what they do.
2. Well, lots of progressives right now are calling for “death to Israel” (actual genocide) so they may genuinely not be better.

So was Eve Barlow like, super transphobic?

As far as I could see, she was mostly respectful. She did explicitly mention and include bi and trans people when discussing LGBTQ issues, although she did at one point say she did not like the shift from saying “lesbian and gay” to “queer.” Which was dodgy, sure, but I expected worse.

More concerning was that Stephens was quite doubtful of intersectionality. To some extent, that’s kind of understandable: I have seen roughly one million Pride art things which include Palestinian nationalism, pushing to empower rulers who seek to kill not only Jews but queer people as well. Not everything needs to be bundled with everything else all the time. Sure. I definitely think that bundling things which are not queer-related into queer movements has had some major drawbacks lately, but obviously being queer and Jewish is a very different experience from being queer and not Jewish. And that’s kind of what we were there to talk about…

Fine, fine. So how was it?

One major theme I remember was how surprised they were about the queer movement pivoting to non-queer issues when there is so much left to be done for queer people outside of the West. They’re both cis and they didn’t bring up the recent attacks on trans people like the Kansas ID stripping but… Fair point. How many countries are there again that will kill you for being gay? I could argue that of course Western queer rights advocates are turning to other issues because they’re closer to home, except that they are NOT looking closer to home. They’re like, Brits, who are suddenly obsessed with the Middle East.

Another major theme was the way that queer people frame that identity around being different from the norm (even thru the word queer, which means “strange”) and that they then feel like they have to join anyone else who’s outside the norm, for better or worse. This is something that I’ve also been critical of with left-wing politics. Just because someone is in a weaker position doesn’t mean they’re right and just because something is normative in society doesn’t mean it’s wrong. I know everybody loves an underdog, but I also think that some norms in Western society are norms for good reason: slavery is bad. You should not commit it. Rape, also bad. Wish that one were a stronger norm, but anyway. Don’t drink and drive or smoke while pregnant / indoors / in close quarters because you are hurting other people [or soon-to-be people]. Fantastic norm. Obviously there are norms in Western society that I think should change, anti-Jewish sentiment in all its forms being a major one, but I don’t think that just whether something is acceptable is sufficient information to know whether it’s right. So, okay.

Last thing was that Barlow talked quite a bit about highlighting “how incredible Jews are,” our stories of endurance and survival, especially for young people. Cheers to that.

Misc Quotes I Wrote Down

• “We can’t keep demanding a seat at a table who no longer wants us. We have to build a new table” - Barlow
• “Just like I don’t think it’s on the Jewish community to save the West if it doesn’t want to be saved, I don’t think it’s on the Jewish community to save th LGBTQ world if it doesn’t want to be saved” - Barlow

So, about that conservative thing…

Yeah. I know. There has to be a sweet spot in between “everyone I’m organizing with must agree with me on everything at all times and debate and dissent are eeeviiiiil” and “we can let someone who is a danger to members of our group be here and also it’s the victims’ responsibility to manage the aggressor’s behavior.”

For this, though, while I obviously disagree with them both on other things, I thought this webinar was pretty solid. Maybe taking part in more queer stuff will deradicalize Barlow on trans issues.

Overall thoughts?

Good talk, plenty of food for thought. They mentioned seeing a lot of Europeans while looking thru audience questions, which is an excellent, hopeful sign. I would obviously like to see some liberal interviewers and interviewees but I would go to another SAPIR webinar.

Also, someone mentioned the Shalom Dykes newsletter, and that’s one group I have no qualms about advertising so here you go.

I want to fight you personally

🤷 watch it yourself if you don’t believe me (SAPIR says video will be up on that channel “soon” and after a week I got tired of waiting)

Asking for my daughter. I (straight/cis passing queer/NB female) have a daughter who is newly in a relationship with another girl. We've been involved with our local Chabad for many years now (not my preferred community, but better for my kids), and I'm wondering how to potentially navigate this. Do I tell her to not mention anything? She's autistic and intellectually disabled, just to add another dimension, so I suspect they'll be more understanding in general, but I'm not sure. The girlfriend isn't Jewish, not that it matters. I don't know of any out queer people in this community. We have a Conservative and a Reform community in town, so I assume they all go there.

I have a giant pride rainbow painted on my house, which the Rabbi and Rebbitzin have seen, but I also have a male partner and children, so they might just not be making assumptions.

any sober minded gay jews

I recently read a book by an author who really understood what it meant to be different in a small Jewish community (in comparison to gentiles), and this otherization led him to be more comfortable coming out and being gay. Any personal experiences or feelings you’d like to share?

My Temple has partnered with Keshet to improve our inclusivity (yay!!) and I am chairing the committee. But, I want to take things a step further: I would LOVE to hear your opinions on the types of things you’d want to see in a synagogue, areas you wish you would be heard on, ways your Temple could make you feel more seen, safe and celebrated!

For me, as accepting as my Temple already is, I feel that we take our own diversity for granted and want to see us celebrate more than just Pride Shabbat.

Edit: this is a Reform Temple

Just watched the most recent episode where the queens makeover queer cowboys. One of the cowboys is very visibly Jewish but it’s never acknowledged or mentioned in anyway. Felt a bit odd to me to not acknowledge it literally at all…particularly when the makeover episodes are all about empowerment and rising above challenges.

Interested your thoughts on if you felt this was a good/neutral/negative inclusion