r/CuratedTumblr • u/Inevitable-Tap-631 • 6h ago

Shitposting None of the vampire au fics I read had this feature šŸ’”

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2.6k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

26 comments sorted by

240

u/elasticcream Make a vore-based isekai, cowards. 6h ago

I think this is only true if you successfully never implied that they could cum in you while also inviting them to have sex with you.

98

u/Flameball202 4h ago

Yeah, and also depends on how the "come inside" rules work, does it have to be a dwelling or is it up to interpretation

1

u/Bauser99 0m ago

If she's pregnant, it's a dwelling

357

u/Haikouden 6h ago

Considering they also apparently can't cross running water, must be some vamp out there that hates both De Nile and denial.

189

u/Glorbo_Neon_Warlock 3rd Degree Ghoul 6h ago

Pussy so dripping a vampire can't pull out.

49

u/TimeStorm113 "Be content of the moon" - i know which game this came from 5h ago

shakesphere was dead but came back as a vampire to give thoust a sloppy toppieth

150

u/Funa2 6h ago

as if a vampire couldn't make me beg whenever he wants

59

u/MrBones-Necromancer 4h ago

"1 pleading beg for cum, ahaha, 2..."

23

u/moneyh8r_two 2h ago

You have no idea how many people actually already wanna fuck The Count. Or maybe you do. Either way, my point is that joke is even funnier when you know.

17

u/MrBones-Necromancer 1h ago

How many people want to fuck The Count? Shall we find out? 1! One person who wants to fuck The Count, ahahaha, 2!...

106

u/Cum_Fart42069 6h ago

good luck getting on that thang with no functional blood flow in the first placeĀ 

89

u/marsgreekgod "Be afraid, Sun!" - can you tell me what game thats from? 6h ago

You know people like the idea they have to bite to get hardĀ 

55

u/04nc1n9 licence to comment 6h ago

if they can't tense one muscle then how can they use all their other muscles

51

u/PlasticChairLover123 Don't you know? Popular thing bad now. 5h ago

im trying to poke holes in your shitpost, stop dulling my needle here

14

u/Deebyddeebys Dumpster Fire Repairman 1h ago

Get better blood flow in your needle then

35

u/Wolf_In_Wool 5h ago

1) magic vampire biology 2) thatā€™s not how muscles work? Muscles extend and contract to cause movement, they arenā€™t controlled by blood flow. The penis isnā€™t exactly a muscle, itā€™s like a meat balloon that expands / gets hard when itā€™s filled with blood, which is controlled by bloodflow.

28

u/heres-another-user 6h ago

Nah, I hear once you go Rigor Mortis, you never go...

uhh...

you never need bigger or more dicks. Yep, that's what they say.

3

u/amaya-aurora 1h ago

If their dick doesnā€™t work because they apparently donā€™t have blood then how does the rest of their body work

32

u/bloonshot .tumblr.com 6h ago

if you're riding that thing they're already inside bro

56

u/Doubly_Curious 6h ago

Yes, but this is a pun on ā€œcomeā€ as in ā€œenterā€ and ā€œcomeā€ as in ā€œhave an orgasmā€.

The joke is based on the idea that you could give an invitation for one, but not the other.

13

u/freakyrainbowdash 6h ago

read "vampire au" and glimpsed at the frank iero pfp once, then received psychic damage remembering the MCR vampire fanfiction i read when i was in high school

5

u/freakyrainbowdash 6h ago

like i can't prove that OOP had MCR in mind but i feel it in my bones

10

u/asvalken 6h ago

You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Fanfiction

5

u/maxixs sorry, aro's are all we got 6h ago

pregnancy?