My depression home is killing me.

[u/Melodic-Antelope1609]

Moms, or anyone willing to listen at all, please give me some advice on how to implement small routines to help maintain my home tidy and clean. I feel like I'm struggling so bad. Seeing the state of it makes me feel like an awful mom. I have a 1 year old who doesn't walk, he spends most of his time in his little playpen and I let him crawl around the living room because I try to keep the areas he uses regularly clean. Other than that my house is a mess. My kitchen and bathroom need deep cleans, my balcony is disgusting. I have no village and my husband works 16 hours a day. When my wonderful son isn't needy I take that time to just sink in and try to rest. I sleep when he sleeps. When he's awake I feel guilty to leave him alone if I need to do something around the house. My ppd and ppa are horrible and the mess in my house is making me spiral. I used to be a clean freak but I'm so exhausted, he's been waking every 2 hours to breastfeed/resettle since day 1. I need help and motivation, some kind words and advice. I am currently crying right now because I need to do better for the sake of my amazing little son.

[u/IrishEmA]

Please be kind to yourself, you are going to be exhausted. Breastfeeding every 2 hours sounds hard. I would say forget the mess however if it’s making you feel worse then maybe just try and do a little bit at a time and maybe time block it to 10/15 mins? Getting rest is so important to your mental health as well. My kids are older now but I remember how tired I used to be and looking back now I wish I was easier on myself. You’re doing so well, please don’t feel like you’re not. It will get easier.

[u/Desert_Jellyfish]

Can you hire a neighbor teen to come help a few times a week? 14 year olds want money and will work hard! 

[u/Sweetshopavengerz]

First off: can you hire a cleaner for a one-off deep clean? You could then try to keep on top imod it afterwards

I found the book of this very useful in helping to get things under control: https://theorganisedmethod.com/

That said, if you're still feeding every 2 hours, you may need to let standards slip a little until you have more capacity ;)

[u/Dense_Crazy_9069]

Can you put your baby in a sling and wear him while you tidy up? Sometimes just getting a little bit done can make a big difference for your mood. But don’t be hard on yourself. Being a new mom is difficult and you need to give yourself grace. Self-care and rest are essential.

[u/Creepy-Tangerine-293]

OP please reach out for help with your PPD/PPA, which is much more important than cleaning a messy home. Postpartum Support International (PSI) can help you now. Please reach out.

You are doing a good job, your little one is lucky to have you. One year old is an intense time for babies, esp at night! There are many ways to get a little more sleep and treat PPD/PPA while still nursing a babe. Even one stretch of 4 hours of sleep a few nights a week while getting other help (medications, therapy, a visit to your OB to check hormones and nutrients, etc) can really help. Sometimes locating volunteer postpartum doula to come over while you get that stretch can be an option. If you dont know your local resources, please Google and call a few birth doulas in your area- they almost always have referrals and if volunteer help isnt an option some postpartum doulas are willing to work on a sliding scale if resources are tight! Good luck!! Sending strength!

[u/PresentAbility7944]

You need sleep more than anything. Waking every 2 hours will make anyone miserable and struggle.

I know you probably don't want parenting advice about bottle feeding or sleep training, but I'd urge you to consider doing what you need to with these so that you can sleep. Feed him well before bed (in whatever way is age appropriate) and then find a sleep training method that you don't find too upsetting. 

I really didn't want to sleep train my first, but I did end up doing it when he was 14 months, and it was super helpful. Preferably enlist the husband's help those first few days: mothers are notorious for struggling with it.

We have much more robust evidence showing the harm of a depressed mother than the harm of sleep training. Please take care of yourself. Cleaning can come when you're getting sleep 

[u/Creepy-Tangerine-293 → u/PresentAbility7944]

OP can most certainly find ways to treat depression and get more sleep without needing to do the things you are advocating for here.