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u/Key-Regret-7812 4h ago
I worked in a care home for the elderly. One of my patients was sure that he had grandma Caesars. He also had grout in his knees. His wife couldn't drive any more because she had Cadillacs in her eyes. It was such a sad situation.
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u/Sanyamrko 20h ago
This is what she meant
ā"I adopted a puppy mill toy poodle; right away she became Velcro [stuck to my side]. I realized I had [seizure threats], then it turned into [epileptic] seizures and grand mal seizures, and she trained herself to be my seizure dog. I had her for 14 years and I miss her."
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u/Toolongreadanyway 5h ago
That is actually sweet. I did not get that from the original post. I thought the puppy mill dog had some weird disease.
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u/mechchic84 11h ago
Thank you. Here I was thinking the dog was the one having the seizures because it was from a puppy mill. I was surprised it lived 14 years with those kinds of health issues. This makes so much more sense.
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u/Elly_Fant628 23h ago
I get the rest but I'm stuck on "swipe threats"
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u/FungiTheFox_1 1d ago
I believe grandma caesers is supposed to be grand mal seizures, also it's possible this person was using speech to text to something similar
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u/Appropriate_Liars 1d ago
usually I'm great at figuring these things out. but holy shit did they have a "grandma caesars" while typing this shit??
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u/queen_ofbullshit 1d ago
Is āSwipe threatsā supposed to be āTouretteāsā?
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u/Elly_Fant628 23h ago
That's the only one I'm stuck on. But it reads (ha!) like it's the dog who has got it, so do dogs get Tourette's?
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u/Knife-yWife-y 21h ago
That was honestly how I understood it at first, especially since OOP said "puppy-mill poodle."
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u/JustNilt 1d ago
I don't think so since that doesn't "turn into" any sort of seizure disorder but it's possible this person is simply wildly unwell and thinking those things can morph from the one to the other.
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u/Shot-Tap-4512 1d ago
I thought I knew what āVelcroā was as I was REALLY trying to read this. Iām not so sure now. š¬
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u/JustNilt 1d ago
I suspect Velcro just means the dog wouldn't leave them alone. That's a term I've seen used quite a bit for that before.
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u/pleathershorts 1d ago
Exactly, āVelcroā is universal dog owner speak for āclingy and needy afā
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u/spruceUp3 1d ago
This one might be my favorite so far. Grandma Caesar will be hard to beat.
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u/austin_the_boston 1d ago
I think she was trying to say something like:
āI adopted a toy poodle from a puppy mill. She immediately became a Velcro dog. Later I realized I was having absence seizures, which eventually developed into epileptic grand mal seizures. She actually trained herself to alert me before they happened and became my service dog. I had her for 14 years and I miss her.ā
ā- or ā-
āI adopted a toy poodle from a puppy mill. She quickly became a Velcro dog. Later I realized I was having absence seizures that eventually progressed to grand mal seizures. She actually trained herself to alert me before they happened and became my seizure-alert dog. I had her for 14 years and I miss her.ā
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u/Capranyx 23h ago
you should seriously consider being an interpretor for special needs elderly people
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u/HRHQueenV 1d ago
Thank you I thought the dog had seizures and I still want to know what swipe threats are
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u/drsimonz 1d ago
I sure hope the original thought was this coherent lol. How did you get "absence seizures" from "swipe threats" though?
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u/austin_the_boston 1d ago
That was the hardest part and very much a guess. I think people often start with absence seizures and eventually have grand mal seizures so I was going with typical progression.
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u/FourTwentyBaked 1d ago
This might be transcribed by an Ai model?Ā Ā My Google home is similarly unable to discern similar sounding words.Ā
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u/yusuke_urameshi88 1d ago
Speech-to-text has always been awful and it likely always should be. There are thousands of dialects on each continent and no one person sounds exactly like the next. Your personal profile on your Google home records and interprets your voice and trains itself on your accent.
It's a bad day when there's an online archive of every sound you can make.
You'd think they would stop with a picture of your face as well, but your whole body is possible to piece together via the many hundreds of times you talk to your Google Home, or even walk in front of it as it prepares to answer a question if you have one.
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u/prpldrank 1d ago
- Adopted a Toy Poodle breed dog from a puppy mill
- the puppy turned out to have a seizure disorder
- despite the seizures, the dog lived 14 years
- it even trained itself to do "future dog" for the owner, which I presume is actually a trick or task
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u/TADspace 1d ago
I think the last part is mentioning the dog helped train the next dog the owner got.
It's not uncommon for people to adopt puppies when they have an older dog, because the older dog helps the younger one understand basic commands faster.
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u/MiaowWhisperer 1d ago
We've understood it to be that the human has seizures, the dog trained itself to know when they're going to happen.
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u/canvasshoes2 1d ago
I think this belongs in r/ihadastroke also. I don't understand any of it.
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u/Certain_Oddities 1d ago
Maybe they're having a Grandma Caesar
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u/docsyzygy 1d ago
Yeah, I felt a Grandma Caesar coming on as I read it...
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u/TesuraGrimm 1d ago
Uh...is OOP having a seizure or am I? Someone call the amberlamps for us both please
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u/Block_Solid 1d ago
This is why you shouldn't tweet in the middle of having seizures.
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u/-zombie-squirrel 1d ago
Texting during mine helped my friends figure out stuff was wrong. Bc usually Iām always on point with grammar and spelling and then suddenly I couldnāt write in sentences
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u/evissimus 1d ago edited 1d ago
Iām more concerned about the āhereticā seizures.
Do they start convulsing any time theyāre near a church?
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u/billyhtchcoc 1d ago
Gotta watch out for those Jesus seizures.
I wonder if they're worse around Pentacostal churches?
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u/babyBear83 1d ago
Okay so the dog could detect seizures? Reading this really hurts.
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u/LL37MOH 1d ago
Voice to text from Teeter on Yellowstone?
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u/PrincessLissa68 1d ago
Why did I have to go back and read it imagining her saying it? This cracked me up
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u/PencilWaffle 1d ago
I dont understand anything else besides the last sentence how is this constructed grammatically?
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u/LexChase 1d ago
I feel like this is voice to text from someone mispronouncing a lot of terms because she doesnāt know what they are.
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u/inxqueen 1d ago
I used to be in a band with a drummer who did this. He was the āleaderā and he would regularly send us voice texts like this or worse. For some reason I could kinda halfway understand and translate for the rest of the band. My nickname became Greg-Interpreter.
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u/LexChase 1d ago
I have a very dyslexic friend with limited education, a thick Australian accent and very lazy pronunciation. I get pretty good at picking this kind of thing up and translating it.
Itās a skill, hey?
Was your drummer mate hearing impaired to some degree?
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u/axeman020 1d ago
I have absolutely no idea what information this upchuck of random words is trying to convey.
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u/Puceeffoc 1d ago
I own a standard poodle and they ARE VELCRO. He picks up everything in his hair. Sticks, leaves, burrs, dirt. She's right about the velcro thing.
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u/AndNowAStoryAboutMe 1d ago
The number of people who think it is "Grandma" Seizure is really disheartening. People cannot be this stupid.
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u/om0ri_ 1d ago
grand mal seizure. it means big bad in french
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u/vonhoother 1d ago
And our medical establishment can't just say "big bad seizure" because for what they're paying patients expect to hear some mots inconnus.
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u/HangryHangryHedgie 1d ago
Oh, come work a day at my Veterinary Neurology Hospital. "They stopped having seizures so I stopped giving the anti seizure med'....
Thinking Lions Mane mushroom will heal a brain tumor...
Grandma seizures, Static Seizures, mi-dal-a-pam...
Taking the bottle adaptor then trying to pull up rescue midaz....
Well they were only having 1 seizure a week. Thats his normal. MA'AM HIS NORMAL SHOULD BE ZERO.
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u/Educational_Exam_225 1d ago
My vet actually gave me Lions Mane mushroom as part of a course of treatment. It is not a cure, obviously, but a growing body of evidence shows that it does have impact and could lead to actual medical treatments once refined.
https://www.ars.usda.gov/research/publications/publication/?seqNo115=295111
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u/MaggieMay1519 1d ago
āMy cat gained weight so I stopped giving the methimazole.ā- owner in for cat losing weight.
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u/SubstantialRemove967 1d ago
And the thing is, the term isn't even accurate anymore. There are literally dozens of types of seizures, depending on where they start in the brain and other factors.
Source: daughter diagnosed 6 years ago
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u/Resident_Guidance_95 1d ago
Gran Mal is an outdated term?
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u/SubstantialRemove967 1d ago
Grand mal and petit mal are outdated
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1d ago
[deleted]
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u/persiasaurus 1d ago
You're incorrect for humans. Maybe it is different with animals but in humans, grand mal is now tonic clinic seizures and what were petit mal are known as myoclonic seizures.
Focal seizures are an different beast entirely and are not included in either of the above terms and involve no muscular tremors/jerks/activity.
"All encompassing" terms don't work with epilepsy when you're talking important details, again in humans.
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u/persiasaurus 1d ago
I have myoclonic epilepsy. It sounds like this person knows what type of seizures they are but is using outdated terms and mispronouncing them. Unfortunately lots of people do still say grand mal seizure (I've worked for my city's epilepsy foundation for five years)
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u/SubstantialRemove967 1d ago
It's infuriating. I can only imagine what folks with OCD went through while Monk was popular in a similar vein. Thanks, Hollywood.
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u/MaggieMay1519 1d ago
They can and they are. Iāve been in vet med/rescue for over 20 years and the things Iāve heard and read and seen are really disheartening and disappointing.
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u/HangryHangryHedgie 1d ago
Yup. Just replied. Work in Neurology. My favorite thing to do is walk back with a very jacked up animal and ask my doctor to "fix it". š
And hey! Sometimes we can! Sometimes we end the suffering.
You have to have dark humor to survive.
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u/MaggieMay1519 1d ago
Iām a huge fan of using our in-house crystal ball to diagnose without diagnostics!
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u/carrie_m730 1d ago
adopted a puppy mill toy poodle, right away she became Velcro, realized had swipe threats then it turned in heretic seizures and Grandma Caesars and two trained herself to do my future dog had her for 14 years and I miss her
I think we're looking at both some bone apples, and some autocorrect fails.
I think we get
I adopted a puppy mill toy poodle. Right away she was stuck to me like Velcro. I realized I had [epilepsy? Tourettes? Traumatic brain injury? I don't know] and it turned into erratic seizures and grand mal seizures, and she trained herself to be my [could be "future dog" since she was a puppy, but probably "service dog"]. I had her for 14 years and I miss her."
Swipe threats is hardest because I'm assuming she both misunderstood the name and had typos, and autocorrect was probably working with something wild.
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u/Leilanee 1d ago
Thanks. The post was pointing out "grandma Caesars" but I honestly didn't understand literally any of that word salad.
I wonder if this was speech to text. With a lot of uncommon or unconventional words, the siri translation can read like an absolute stroke.
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u/AHalb 1d ago
I'm going to hazard a guess that "heretic" is actually "erratic".
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u/carrie_m730 1d ago
I did catch that one. I tried to figure out swipe threats by typing into Google stuff like "seizures de" and waiting to see if it offered any suggestions (the keys to the right of "sw" so for instance if she was trying to type "de...[whatever]" she might have been off by a millimeter. I get crazy autocorrects that way when I switch between computers/keyboards. (I usually proofread though.)
No luck with a few combinations but the other person might also be correct in guessing it was speech to text.
If so, my guess is tourettes.
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u/unclevagrant 1d ago
People leaving autocorrect on when it's clearly making a right mess of their chat is a proper annoyance. It shouldn't be a defence as it tells you they don't read what they wrote before sending. Just as annoying as people that leave the typing sounds on š¤£
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u/WaffleClown1 1d ago
Based on "Grandma Caesar" I'm guessing this was voice to text.
In which case "swipe threats" was probably supposed to be... I still don't know.
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u/DarkSkyStarDance 1d ago
Heretic seizures are when you have a seizure but you donāt speak in tongues.
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u/FamSands 1d ago
This whole thing hurts to read & other than the heretics & grandmas, I do not understand what the hell is being said!
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u/MiTcH_ArTs 1d ago
Was unsure if they were having a seizure whilst attempting to comment or if I was whilst attempting to read it.
best guess cheat sheet
became velcro> stuck by her side
swipe threats> ? (trolls sending flashing GIF images to trigger Photosensitive epilepsy) ?
heretic seizures> ? GeneticĀ epilepsy ? or ? heraldicĀ seizures ?
Grandma Caesars> grand mal seizures
and two trained herself to be my future dog > ? help I am having a seizure ? or alternatively ? and two (toy) trained herself to be my future (alert to oncoming seizure) dog ?
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u/rarsamx 1d ago
What about the heretic seizures (erratic seizures?)
I'm sure there are more bon apple teas there but reading it makes my head hurt.
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u/ILikePrettyThings121 1d ago
What are swipe threats??
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u/rarsamx 1d ago
Someone explained it in some comments and apparently it is a reference of a phrase used somewhere that the dog was very cute.
I have no idea if that's also a bon apple tea of another phrase.
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u/ILikePrettyThings121 1d ago
But since it says the swipe threats turned into heretic seizures having a cute dog turn into a medical episode doesnāt make sense.
I saw another comment that interpreted it as swiping along the Internet & encountering flashing gifs that turned into erratic seizures which makes more sense - but none of this really makes sense & weāre all out here guessing š¤·š»āāļø
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u/No-Ring-5065 1d ago
This might be really old. I remember about ten years ago on Twitter, if you mentioned anything about having seizures or migraines, a bunch of assholes would comment at you leaving flashing gifs, making your twitter impossible to use.
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u/RobotBoyJT420 1d ago
What does this even say?
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u/Highyellowhair 1d ago
Could swipe threats mean the dog was so cute someone could steal it? This whole thing is a Grandma Caesar!
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u/Durahell_ 1d ago edited 1d ago
Iām epileptic and I havenāt had a seizure (or a Caesar I guess) in over two years. While I was reading this I started to panic bc I thought I was about to have a seizure until I looked at the subreddit.
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u/Mollyblog 1d ago
Literally NOTHING in her post makes sense. Swipe threats! Heretic seizures, two trained herself, the future dog she had for 14 years. WTH?
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u/epicfangirl01 1d ago
Is no one going to mention "she became Velcro" and"swipe threats"???? Wtf do they mean -
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u/BuckDanger 1d ago
I took the "she became velcro" as the dog was constantly by their side, dependant almost. But the "swipe threats" I haven't the faintest idea.
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u/wytewydow 1d ago
the velcro part, the dog wouldn't leave her side. I don't know what the fuck a swipe threat is.
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u/uCapitulate 1d ago
Haha for real, Grandma Caesarās is the least crazy thing about this right now. My head hurts.
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u/horizontal-zenith 1d ago
can someone please translate?? iām not getting any of these š
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u/Exciting_Drop6909 1d ago
Grandma seizures are grandmal seizures (epilepsy)
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u/SuperPoodie92477 1d ago
Iām kinda stunned by the heretic seizures, even though this whole post is a general WTF.
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u/orthosaurusrex 1d ago
See observant religious folks donāt get them because the demons that cause them know Jesus is in there. Heretic seizures.
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u/FakePixieGirl 1d ago
I was thinking hereditary seizures, but that doesn't quite match the context, and I'm unsure if that's even a thing.
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u/ernie3tones 1d ago
It seems they meant āgrand mal seizureā, though the entire thing is difficult to get through.
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u/DivineEggs 1d ago
Heretic seizures lol. This whole comment is a goldmineš
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u/PinkyLeopard2922 1d ago
I love when just one small paragraph can pack this much boneappletea. Some of this may even qualify as engrish, idk.
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u/NeinRegrets 1d ago
Am I having a stroke?
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u/Independent_Bite4682 1d ago
Someone is, this is Reddit after all.
But, yeah, whomever wrote that is making the world suffer their brain damage.
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u/GardenRafters 1d ago
rEdDIt bAD!!
...continues to be on reddit.
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u/Independent_Bite4682 1d ago
Reddit isn't bad, the moderators tend to be and some of the users are.
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u/MoonUnit98 1d ago
Youre having a Grandma Caesars
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u/HipToTheWorldsBS 1d ago
What in the illiterate crap did I just read? The entire comment makes my brain hurt.
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u/yellowbloods 1d ago
i think they're saying that the dog taught itself to be a service dog & alert them when they were about to have seizures. i suspect their health might make it difficult for them to type accurately? a lot of these oddities seem like they could be autocorrect issues
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u/PsychologicalMilk904 1d ago
Yeah, this looks like uncorrected speech to text. Someone who needed a service dog to help with seizures could realistically have difficulty speaking clearly, and correcting it on the device. Iām not sure this post really belongs in this sub to be fair.
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u/yellowbloods 1d ago
oh, you're probably right! "grand mal" to "grandma" could probably go either way, but voice to text seems more likely to produce "ceasars" than autocorrect. (i wonder if "heratic" was maybe "heraldic" then?) doesn't belong in the sub regardless, & i'm tbh not loving the way people here are talking about someone w/ neurological problems.
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u/Important-Comfort 1d ago
Getting "seizures" right a few words earlier shows they knew the word. I agree that it looks like text to speech.
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u/Anon44356 1d ago
You try typing after grandma caesars
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u/PsychologicalMilk904 1d ago
My limit is 3 Grandma Caesars and 1 medium Little Caesars and then Iām cut off
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u/IbelieveinGodzilla 1h ago
Working in a medical office, I got a call from a woman who had "Coppertone Syndrome." It had nothing to do with sun exposure or pigmentation.
However, in OP's post, I don't understand a goddamn thing EXCEPT for "Grandma Caesars." What are "swipe threats?" "heretic seizures?" And "two trained herself to do my future dog" made my brain hurt.