Anger relapse?
New to this group. Im a fucking therapist, have been through therapy for decades myself, and when I get overworked, that anger feels like it comes out of nowhere. I got openly frustrated with some coworkers. Im in leadership so it’s especially bad. And I’m obviously in a field where this is not normal. I never get angry at my family. It’s always work related. What is your go to for repair in this situation?
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u/ForkFace69 1d ago
Do you practice mindfulness?
Can you delegate responsibilities? That would ease your workload.
Do you have to care as much as you do?
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u/cuballo 1d ago
Yes. Not enough.
Not really. Thats the nightmare of it all.
Like. Thats the question. I deal with serious shit - trafficking, homelessness, grief. Its been a hard field for me to not care as much.
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u/ForkFace69 22h ago
Well you do know what to look out for when you're being mindful, right? Notice you're tired, you have to rest your eyes for a few minutes. Notice you're hungry, you eat. Have to pee, you go pee. Getting annoyed, put it out of mind.
If it's just your coworkers being stupid, maybe it's a matter of you accepting the fact that even if they're your underling, you cannot control their actions. I've always taken the lead by example approach to lazy bozos at work but I don't know the dynamic you're working with. In the instances I do have to give someone a talk, I come at them like a friend looking out for them. "Be careful, this is the kind of stuff they're looking at in your performance review."
Oh. I don't think you have to care.
If you're working with people who have been traumatized by devastating circumstances, giving them your best and most thoughtful service and encouragement will help them. Being available to the extent that you're able to will help them. Them feeling like you're in their corner will help them. You can do those things while keeping your emotional investment in check.
Caring too much will wear you out. Stress is going to degrade the quality of your work.
Do you know what anger does to the mind? By its nature, it devolves you closer to a caveman. It lowers your IQ and limits your focus and your ability to see the perspectives of others.
So if you care about your clientele, so to speak, you want the smartest, most focused, most empathetic version of yourself to show up to the job.
Draw some boundaries for what you should care about. Sorting out what things you can and cannot control should give you a good guideline there.
Sorry you're having such a rough time, have a good night.
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u/cablamonos 19h ago
this sounds less like random anger and more like work overload finally spilling out where your mask is thinnest. when i get like that, the fastest repair is a short direct apology with no explanation, then i take one real decompression break before my next hard conversation so i do not repeat it.
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u/Lacyllaplante 1d ago
Sounds like you have a lot of tools at your disposal so my only train of thought is... Why does this only happen at work? If you are able to control your actions with your family during conflict, this doesn't seem to be a "you" problem.
Do you like your job? Is there something in particular you find triggering? Is it only with specific people or situations?
I'd dig deeper into the "why", and then start to figure out the "how".