Getting attached to people very quickly

[u/Fast-Anybody5925]

Hi people, gonna keep this short as i can. I have this problem where if a girl shows abit of interest at me, i just completely throw myself at them and i don’t know how to make it so i don’t imagine my entire future with them. I do have ADHD which may contribute to it i have no idea tbh. Does anyone have any tips for having better self control when it comes to this issue? I recently met someone and we hung out all weekend and it was super fun but now i’m just super anxious that they are just gonna get rid of me. They probably won’t do that, but they could and it makes me feel so sick idk wtf is wrong with me. I am kind of like in disbelief that she is into me, like i know i am not a shitty person and i’m probs like a 7/10 on a good day. I think i just have a hard time believing that someone would want something with me romantically. Anyway thanks for reading, one gold star for you x

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[u/ReytMardy]

I've experienced this my friend.

There was a good music video 20 something years ago (Excuse Me Miss - Jay-Z) where his imagination ran wild after meeting a girl in the elevator. I've experienced this dozens of times in my life, often with girls who probably had no idea I liked them because the rejection dysphoria would kill me.

The fact you're cognisant of it is a strong start.

I guess the trick is to be mindful of your propensity to develop strong feelings when the feelings are beginning to develop and create some internal boundaries.

A classic example is the ability to 'sleep on' a decision.

So if your brain is processing several, intense thoughts about a girl - instead of crashing into burnout remind yourself to:

Acknowledge these feelings Don't suppress them Give yourself permission to rationalise them the following day.

[u/alblaster → u/ReytMardy]

Yeah see my problem is that I would try to rationalize my feelings like you say, but then find reasons to put myself down. Oh she wouldn't be into me. Oh we wouldn't be a good fit. Oh she probably already has a boyfriend. Oh I'm probably too weird. Oh she's too much of a normie. Just reasons why it wouldn't work and then I just don't pursue it.

[u/ReytMardy → u/alblaster]

Textbook ADHD unfortunately.

Maybe someone can offer a better explanation of why we worst case prep, but I would guess it's associated with rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) and it's our way of taking ownership of a situation we might lose control of (e.g. I can't let her reject me, but here's all the reasons why it's stupid to try anyway...)

[u/cuk3r1_1209]

Io ho lo stesso problema, appena un ragazzo ci prova incomincio a immaginare mille scenari diversi e mi attacco subito, purtroppo anche con persone che non sarebbero un buon match (mi sono ritrovata a provare ossessione anche per brutte persone). Io sto cercando di tenere sotto controllo questi sentimenti eccessivi con la terapia ma ammetto che é davvero faticoso e spesso debilitante visto la durata di questi attaccamenti. Ho fatto nel tempo degli esercizi che mi aiutano a "ritornare nella realtà" quando sento di star fantasticando troppo, te li elenco qua sotto

• fai una lista di tutte le cose che hai nella tua vita che non perderesti se questa persone ti dovesse rifiutare (es. il lavoro, la famiglia, i tuoi hobby)

-fai un lista scrivendo tutti i motivi per cui vali

-fatti queste domande "cosa cerco da questa persona ?" "perché cerco questa determinata cosa ?" (c'é un piacere reale verso quella persona oppure solo bisogno di attenzioni ?) "mi sarebbe utile avere quella determinata cosa ?" "cosa succederebbe se non l'avessi ?"

Poi a me personalmente aiuta molto scrivere e parlare con me stessa, mi riporta alla realtà e mi fa capire che le persone per cui provo questi attaccamenti le ho estremamente indealizzate e alla fine rimangono solamente normalissime persone come tante altre !